For a show in its third season, House continues to feature top-notch writing, strong character development and great acting. Tuesday night’s episode followed House’s downward spiral into forced sobriety and teased a betrayal by one of his closest associates.
As per usual, the show introduced the Patient of the Week, a little girl named Alice, at a carnival with her father. Her father, who clearly has Divorced Dad Syndrome, was trying to coerce her to go on a head-ripping, vomit-inducing thrill ride. Alice was plainly against it, but finally agreed to go on the ride with her dad. A few seconds into the ride, Alice lets loose with a horrible, continuous shriek and the ride stopped.
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One commercial break and opening credits sequence later, Alice is in a hospital bed at good ol’ Princeton-Plainsboro and her bickering mother and father are seated in the room. Oh yeah. They’re definitely divorced.
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Alice had complained of severe abdominal pain. Dr. Cameron speculates that it may be associated with Crohn’s Disease and asked the girl’s mother if there was a family history of it. The mother replied that her aunt had had it before flipping out on Alice’s father for not keeping track of his ex-wife’s family medical history and knowing this. See, the fun never stops, even when you’re divorced. Apparently, Alice’s father’s lack of interest in his wife’s aunt’s inflammatory bowels was quite the kicker in the dissolution of their marriage.
In another wing of the hospital, House, bored and fiending for his meds, was aiming a laser pointer through the window at Dr. Cuddy, giving her a dot in the middle of her forehead and spinning lights across her cleavage. This proved to be quite embarrassing for Princeton-Plainsboro’s administrator and unofficial dispenser of House’s pills. In the middle of hitting up some wealthy patrons for a generous donation for a new oncology lab, she excused herself from the meeting to have a little chat with Dr. House.
House explained that the laser pointer won him second place in the hospital-wide "Weirdest Thing Pulled Out of a Patient’s Orifice" contest. With the blow cushioned, House then asked Cuddy for more Vicodin. Telling him "no," Cuddy insisted that House tap into his "secret, secret, secret stash" of pills instead.
Back in Alice’s room, one concrete diagnosis that has been arrived at is that the little girl has pancreatitis. House burst into the room, got down on the floor and pulled a large lupus textbook from the bookcase. The hollowed out book contained the aforementioned "secret, secret, secret stash." In addition to visiting his personal pharmacy, House dropped some knowledge on the Doctors Three, theorizing that the girl had gallstones and that she had passed one, accounting for what had briefly caused her excruciating pain.
Cameron, Foreman and Chase questioned him, as to whether or not a 6-year-old can get gallstones. House called for a removal of her gall bladder to analyze it for other stones in there.
In the midst of all this, Alice’s parents continued to bicker in their daughter’s hospital room. (This becomes a trend throughout the entire episode.)
Back in Dr. Cuddy’s wing of the hospital, she encountered our old pal, Detective Tritter on his day off, leafing through several classified documents and profiles of the hospital staff while sprawled on the floor. Taking up for Dr. Wilson, Cuddy informed him that her Head of Oncology had to shut down his practice due to his relentless methods. Tritter, vying for the coveted Dickhead of the Year Award, replied that "this is how I get what I want," putting pressure on the unlikeliest of sources. All of a sudden, he swerved to a more altruistic approach stating his belief that Dr. House is an addict with a serious problem. The pills distort his reality, and he feared for a time when the addiction would cloud his judgment and eventually kill or harm a patient. Tritter said that in this case, the doctors aren’t helping. They’re covering things up.
Back in the hospital room, Alice’s parents quibbled with House over his suggestion that she have her gallbladder removed and analyzed. The mother claimed that her daughter shouldn’t have unnecessary surgery, without at least a second opinion. House retorted that she shouldn’t have "a moron for a mom."
House, believing that Alice would die without further analysis of her gall bladder, took the parents into the in-hospital court in a ploy to immediately get her into surgery and expedite a diagnosis and a cure for her mystery ailment.
With Cuddy as a character witness, the judge agrees to let House have his way and perform surgery. The parents continue to bicker with one another.
Post-surgery, Alice complained about her stitches itching. Wouldn’t you know it, Ma and Pa are still going at it, nitpicking one another and ignoring their daughter. After a closer look at Alice’s stomach where the stitches would be, the Doctors Three find a massive rash-like infection.’
After the commercial break, House tried to determine what the girl was allergic to and what would instantly "turn a 6-year-old girl into the English patient."
Coming to call upon the Doctors Three, House finds his associates debating a much bigger conundrum. Chase, Cameron and Foreman were on their phones and finding out that Det. Tritter had frozen their bank accounts, much like he did to Dr. Wilson. Actually, Drs. Foreman and Cameron had their accounts frozen. Dr. Chase still had access to his. Curiouser and curiouser. Foreman and Cameron found it suspicious that Chase is the only one among them who is still able to tap MAC and pay for lunch in the hospital cafeteria.
Back in Alice’s hospital room, it had finally been discerned that her infection shouldn’t cause a rash and found calcium bilirubin in the girl’s gallbladder. House called for a broad-spectrum antibiotic for the girl to work on getting the infection out of her system. Despite some bullying from House, The Doctors Three question this and much like House isn’t getting his pills, Alice won’t be getting that broad-spectrum antibiotic, either.
Foreman hit upon the bright idea to test Alice for any allergies she may have that could have caused her rash. As he pokes needles into her back to perform the tests, Alice’s mother starts complaining about her ex-husband to Foreman. Shooting her a "What the hell do I look like? Dr. Phil?" look at the girl’s mother, she finally got the hint and shut up, allowing the doctor to continue doing his job.
In yet another room of Princeton-Plainsboro, the now-dormant Dr. Wilson was seen making a peanut butter sandwich in the super-special doctor’s kitchen area. His peanut buttery-revelry was interrupted by House who taunted him saying that he was "too poor to eat in the commissary?" That’s just low, dude. Adding insult to injury, House snagged the PB sandwich and carted it off to Alice’s room.
Of course, Alice’s parents were still arguing, causing the kid’s blood pressure to rise on the monitor. I was glad I wasn’t the only one growing annoyed with the dickering divorcees. Adding to the commotion, House demanded that the girl take a bite out of the sandwich. Foreman protested, saying that if the girl had the very common peanut allergy, her system would go into shock, particularly if they hit her with the broad-spectrum antibiotic as he had previously suggested. House theorized that if the girl didn’t have an allergy as prevalent as peanuts, then it would be highly unlikely that she’d be allergic to nearly everything else BUT the tasty nut, enabling them to find the real cause of her rash and infection. Alice took a bite of the sandwich with no resulting problems. NEXT!!
House still lobbied for the broad spectrum meds to be given to Alice despite protests from the Doctors Three (and more pills from Cuddy). Taking time out of their busy, bickering schedule, the parents agreed with House.
Once again, everyone found themselves back at the in-hospital court with the very same judge. The judge, familiar with the lunacy that was currently going down, awarded temporary guardianship of Alice and all of her mysterious medical matters to Dr. Cuddy, feeling that she would make the best decisions for the girl.
With Cuddy now burdened with the life of a child hanging in the balance and at her sole discretion, House seized upon the opportunity to make a grab for some more Vicodin. Exasperated, she threw him a few to quell his angry, rambling withdrawal symptoms and get her head in the game of curing her charge.
Meanwhile, Det. Tritter’s been packing his day off chock full of little meetings. He offered Dr. Foreman a bargain. If he rats House out, he will release his brother, Marcus, from jail and on parole within two months. Appealing to Foreman’s better nature doesn’t work, so Tritter takes a different approach, calling him a "cold bastard" just like House.
Calling into question Foreman’s own juvenile criminal past, he grills him as to why he believes that he deserves a second chance and why his brother doesn’t. Tritter mentions that he saw no difference as to why he despises a brother who is on drugs and in jail when Foreman works for a man who practices medicine on drugs. Tritter predicted that Foreman would take him up on his offer, claiming that as much as he hates House, he hates hypocrisy more. But he’s still a dick.
Moving along, Alice’s parents were still bickering, inducing yet another anxiety attack in the girl. Cuddy orders them out of the room as part of her campaign to do what’s best for the child.
Back at Doctors Three central, Dr. Chase declares that his accounts have now finally been frozen. His colleagues were still very suspicious that he could be the mole among them.
Oh, yeah. That whole little girl patient thing. Right. The doctors check on Alice and find that she is gone from her room. Her father had unhooked her from the machines, got her dressed in her clothes, coat and snow hat and was attempting to book out of the hospital along with Alice. He didn’t get very far with Dr. Chase encountering him standing flabbergasted in the hospital lobby. His daughter had frozen stiff as a board in his arms.
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After remarking that the girl "could medal in luge," House throws a tantrum, screaming that he is in pain and needs pills. Catching up to House on the snark factor, Foreman suggests that the Doctors Three all draw straws with the loser going to Camden and scoring House an 8 ball. With House off to fiend elsewhere, Chase, Foreman and Cameron suggested that perhaps Alice has Reye’s syndrome and that a babysitter giving her aspirin may have triggered it.
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The cranky parents phoned the babysitter. She didn’t give the girl any. Reye’s had been ruled out. Meanwhile, a cranky House managed to squeeze one pill out of Cuddy before she resumed her guardian and doctor duties with Alice. This time, she would be performing a test on the girl, hooking her up to a machine that would clean her blood. Alice expressed that she wanted her parents to get back together and asked Cuddy if it was possible. Lying through her sparkling veneers, Cuddy told the girl that it was possible. At this moment, I really wished that the ultra-testy and jonesing House would have popped into the room and asked the girl if she was certifiably insane. The constant arguing between the divorced couple was enough to drive me nuts in a mere 40 minutes. Does little Alice really want an entire life of that?
Things get worse when Cuddy realizes that the rash has spread to Alice’s arm and leg as the kid started screaming in agony.
The scenery shot back to Tritter’s room of the hospital where he had apparently set up shop with oddly no protests from anyone in the hospital who actually possesses a medical degree. This time, it was Cameron’s turn to be grilled by the relentless detective. At first, Tritter suggested that Cameron was in love with House. Offended by the detective’s insinuation that she would automatically be diggin’ on her mentor just because she has girl-parts, Cameron denied any fuzzy feelings for House. She explained to Tritter that her feelings however, did involve loyalty and respect for the man.
Appealing to Cameron’s sense of self-identity, Tritter verbally smacked Cameron down by saying that he thought she used to be a person who did the right thing, nearly broaching the subject of Cameron’s dead husband. She stopped him mid-sentence telling him not to "go there."
Not getting what he wanted from Cameron, Tritter had a lovely lunch with Dr. Chase. He explained to the unyielding young doctor the method behind his madness, making everyone else feel that he is the suspicious character who may have ratted House out. He planned on releasing the holds on everyone’s bank accounts tomorrow, only after everyone has seen him and Chase chatting it up like old buddies in the hospital cafeteria. It would all-but confirm everyone’s suspicions of Chase as the one who broke.
Back in Alice’s room, the girl’s fever had risen high enough to nearly fry her brain. House still suspicious that the girl’s babysitter had been lying and the fever is a symptom of Reye’s syndrome. Angrier than usual, House was insistent upon his diagnosis being the correct one while asserting his dire need for (you guessed it) more pills.
In a desperate attempt to get the girl’s fever down, Cutty races into the shower, purple scrubs and all with the little girl, sitting under the cold water and looking stricken.
House slammed the shower curtain back and verbally lashed out at the woman who was keeping him from his one true love, Vicodin. Hurling a devastating comment to Cuddy about her inability to conceive, House spewed out "Good thing you didn’t become a mom because you suck at it" in the most vile tone the doctor has ever used.
Having utterly crushed Cuddy, House moved on to torment the Doctors Three with his trusty, anally-retrieved laser pointer. In the midst of throwing ideas against the wall to decide what exactly was at the root of little Alice’s mystery malady, somehow, the topic of Chase’s accounts not being frozen and then frozen elicited some icy glares from House. He flat-out told Chase that he believed that Chase feels guilty for screwing him over or that he was looking for applause from him for not spilling to Tritter. House isn’t exactly endearing himself to anyone or inspiring a continuing streak of loyalty from his associates here.
In Cuddy’s office, the doctor could be seen sitting on her couch having a good cry. Her self-catharsis was interrupted by Dr. Wilson. She noted that this was the first time that House was mean for the sake of being mean instead of using venom to cajole whatever it was out of people. She argued that in spite of what it may seem like, House does have an inner censor and usually refrains from going for the ultimate low-blow to others. After Wilson inquired as to what it was that House said to her to upset her to such a high degree, Cuddy confided that she had been trying to get pregnant for some time. The first two implantations didn’t take and the third one ended in an early miscarriage.
Doubting her own maternal instincts, Cuddy questioned her ability to be a nurturer, never hugging the little girl or offering physical signs of comfort. (Uhh… Hello! The girl has a bad rash. I don’t think a hug would have offered that much comfort.) She worried that she didn’t "get the manual" for motherhood, especially when she lied to Alice that perhaps someday her parents would get back together.
Back in Alice’s room, her parents had finally stopped bickering. The cause behind this was House’s final diagnosis that she had necrotizing fasciitis — AKA - flesh eating bacteria — explaining the spreading and worsening rash on her arm and leg. The solution: Alice’s left arm and leg would have to be amputated. Shocked into shutting up, Alice’s parents acquiesced to the surgery.
Not accepting House’s final diagnosis, Chase frantically went about finding another possible reason for the girl’s spreading rash. House dismissed his search as nothing more than wanting to find another possible diagnosis for the girl because she’s "cute" and therefore is believed that she can be instantly cured with "puppies and sunshine."
After a lengthy montage of the camera panning over the surgical tools and young Alice’s arm and leg marked with a surgical pen for amputation, Chase’s research revealed that Alice was not afflicted with flesh eating bacteria, but was in fact allergic to light.
All of the tests that they had put Alice through involved her going under harsh surgical lighting. Each time she went under the lights, the rash got worse. The initial triggering of this allergy was Alice’s extended trip to the outdoor carnival, making her all the more susceptible to an allergic reaction. Chase implored House to make the call and stop the surgery. House responded by slugging Chase right in the jaw. That’s right. He cold-cocked him good, laying him out on the hospital floor.
Bruised jaw and all, the call was finally made in the nick of time to stop the amputation surgery before the doctors began cutting.
With Alice and her limbs intact, Cuddy explained to the girl’s parents that this type of disorder starts at birth and typically reaches critical mass around the girl’s present age. However, the disease is still manageable (and much better than losing a couple limbs).
Never too busy to point the finger of blame at one another, Alice’s parents quibble over who was the genetic carrier that brought the light allergy to their daughter’s chromosomal composition. Cuddy shut them both the hell up by telling them that both of them were carriers. Sweet.
Following the entire debacle, a bruised Chase and Wilson had a talk about the rapidly cycling House thanks to a severe lack of Vicodin in his life. Chase believed that House thought House potatoed him because he felt that Chase was the betrayer. Wilson believed that it was because House was pissed that for once, he didn’t solve the mystery and someone else did. It seemed as if the uber-frustrated Chase had had enough and would be en route to Tritter to dish on the doctor.
Back at casa de House, Wilson sat down with his roommate, lambasting him for nearly maiming a girl and not caring. House shrugged it off and probably contemplated a land with magical Vicodin-bearing trees and rivers flowing with anesthetics.
Flustered at House’s continuing inability to give a rat’s ass, the final scene of the episode found Dr. Wilson paying a visit to Detective Tritter, telling him that he would like his "30 pieces of silver."
It’ll be another two weeks before the audience gets to find out if Wilson really does rat out House. Next week’s scheduled episode will be a repeat of a Season 1 episode.
Without a doubt, this was a nail-biter of an episode that sustained an air of tension throughout and underlined the urgency of both the patient’s situation an House’s dependency on pain medication. Until this point, House was seen as a character with little self-restraint. The medication was what had previously held him in check and kept him from severely lashing out at those around him.
The plot advancement was logical an in keeping with the reactions expected of the characters with a few surprises. The next one should be quite interesting to see where this is headed and what the final outcome will be.
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Written by Lana - Visit My Website
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A 2001 graduate of Temple University, Lana Cooper earned her BA from Temple University in Broadcasting, Telecommunications and Mass Media (BTMM for short) as well as a dual minor in Ancient Mediterranean Studies and English. It's an odd mix of academic interests, but then again, she's a pretty odd broad.
While at Temple, Lana was a staff-writer on their student-run newspaper reporting on pop-culture based topics, writing music reviews and occassionally bagging an op-ed piece from time to time. During her college years and for that glorious year on the cusp of unemployment and formally entering the indentured servitude known as the working world, she self-published her very own critically and internationally ignored 'zine, Media Medea, later re-titled Quality Bathroom Reading Material. The 'zine was sold in several bookstores around the United States and boasted a staggering readership of about 10 people, which included included Lana's parents, brother, and various and sundry friends.
For the past several years Lana has worked in the advertising industry doing everything from marketing and light graphic design to trafficking and charting. It's not nearly as glamorous as Melrose Place would have you believe. (If you don't believe her, she can show yo
