In one of those, stories you never thought you would ever hear…ever…I bring to you a story of a man. A man named Adrian. Adrian was a good man…well he was good except for his crack habit. Unfortunately, this habit seemed to make him act a little senselessly. By senselessly, I mean doing something like…smoking crack naked in Florida. You know Florida…Alligator Country.
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Currently it is believed that Adrian may have learned his lesson. Wednesday morning Adrian was found in the mouth of an alligator. As you may have guessed, he was naked and smoking crack when the alligator decided he wanted some, too. When Adrian didn’t share, well you can imagine what happened.
The first deputy on the scene was unable to free Adrian from the jaws of the Alligator. After all, most alligators are very purpose driven animals. No one was stealing his bitch! However, once three or four policemen were on the scene they were able to pry the alligator’s jaws open and free the 45 year old, naked crackhead.
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After being rushed to the Lakeland Regional Medical Center it was determined that he had one broken arm, a partially amputated left arm, which they were trying to reattach, and trauma to the left leg. He was listed in critical condition due to this horrifying and yet completely interesting incident.
Police were unsure of whether the man would make it out alive or not. Ordinarily they probably would have shot the alligator, but due to dark conditions they were unable to do so for fear of harming the victim. Is it just me or does that statement seem like an oxymoron, considering? All officers then descended into waist deep mud to help the gentlemen who was being attacked. Luckily (or unluckily), he came out unharmed.
The officers, as bright and talented as they are, had not realized until after the fact that the man had been smoking crack. However, no one was able to explain why he was naked or what he was doing playing with alligators during naked time.
My theory is interspecies erotica gone wrong…though I could be wrong. I am not sure if there is a kinky alli club or not…but you know who would know? Kevin Smith..and next time…in honor of Adrian…maybe he will have an alligator, crack-smoking show instead.
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Written by Ashtyn - Visit Website
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Ashtyn Evans is a writer, advocate, free thinker, and all around cynical person. Always quick to find the negative in anything pop culture, she loves being a part of that which she despises.
Ashtyn and Dominick own numerous blogs together, as well as a full-time writing business. In her spare time she is a full-time college student studying History and Psychology. She plans to one day give up her freelance career and be a full-time blogger, novelist, and domestic goddess.
She can be contacted for writing projects, fan mail, or just to say hi. She really is friendlier than we make her look.
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