For Day 2 in the Literary Illusions’ The 31 Days of Horror Movies series, I’m going to have to recommend a film you should never see. While our first film 1408 had the right blend of jumps, scares, and thrills to make it a horror movie, Borderline Cult will make you scared…in a whole different way. This film will scare you into never wanting to watch another film by its Z-List director, Ulli Lommel.

I seriously have to question what Lionsgate was thinking by picking up this piece of drivel. I am usually on the same page as Lionsgate. I love Saw. I love many of the other movies they put out, but this film just made me laugh at how pathetic it was. I wondered if I was the only one who thought this film sucked, but based on its IMDB rating of 1.6 and the random comments about how the film director makes films “faster than Walmart can stock their DVD shelves” and how he should “take up poison dart throwing” for a hobby, I see there are many other people who dislike both the film and its director.

Ulli Lommel does have quite a few films under his belt. Sadly, the actors who portray the three main characters of Borderline Cult have been in more than one of them. It is like he recycles bad horror movies or true life events and casts the same people in them over and over again. For example, he’s made movies on the Black Dahlia, the Green River Killer, and the Zodiac Killer, though from those who have seen these films, he’s done so poorly and inaccurately. Unfortunately, he’s also responsible for writing the script for some of his films and he does so for Borderline Cult.

Borderline Cult doesn’t necessarily have a bad plot. It’s just that it is executed in a way that the plot falls apart, seems nonsensical and comical, and has very few jumps, thrills, or twists. It’s predictable and I believe I’d find more enjoyment in watching paint dry on a wall then watching Borderline Cult. I was waiting for something “cool and exciting” to happen, but it never really did. Even when you find out the “point” of what the actors are doing during this entire film, you are so far beyond caring anymore that the whole purpose of this film is lost. Besides, the actors just “mention” the point and leave it at that.

Since this film is so simple-minded, I’ll try to explain the plot (can we even call it that?!) without giving away too much of what happens in case someone actually wants to check out Borderline Cult to see how truly horrible the film is for themselves. The film starts with Melanie (Elissa Dowling – a favorite actress Ulli seems to use in films a lot) who accompanies a woman to her home in some desert setting we soon learn is Juarez, Mexico. They get high and we soon meet big, bald Herbert J. Humbert (HH – played by Christian Behm – another Ulli favorite) who takes advantage of the other girl, by killing her.

HH has a sick obsession with licking the blood after he kills the girl. There is also a creepy, Cajun man, we soon learn is named Jean-Louis Racine (Patrick Faucette), who just sort of stares at what’s going on. We soon learn he won’t hurt anyone, but he loves to bury people. This makes him the perfect grave digger. While we learn a little bit about these three and their background, and the acting is better than the plot (or lack thereof), which isn’t saying much, the storyline gets lost in the repetitious action of the movie. These three want to be notorious killers, which is a good premise for a horror movie, but how they show this, is pathetic.

When Patrick Faucette actually gets to speak, you can actually see he has the ability to act. It’s really sad he’s in this movie. The other two didn’t impress me much, but I actually felt really bad for Patrick. I hope he can get a real job soon, because I can see that he has potential as an actor. Luckily, his resume contains more than just Ulli Lommel films so let’s hope he doesn’t make the mistake of acting in another of his films again.

The audio quality of the film stinks. I know in some parts, you really aren’t supposed to hear things. My TV showed what they said from a distance in Spanish subtitles (though I don’t speak Spanish), so I was at a loss. When anyone in the cast spoke, and this meant mainly Melanie, it was so quiet. I guess that’s what a 2.0 audio stereo sound is capable of producing. What you did hear (and COULD NOT MISS) was the annoying sound of FLIES! They were throughout the entire movie and I wanted to slap my screen to shut them up. The music, which was cheesy, blared loudly, especially if you turned your volume up to try and hear what the characters were saying. This just made the film worse. It was nearly as painful as sticking toothpicks under your fingernails. No, actually, I think watching this film might be worse.

Borderline Cult has extras. I’m sure you are thinking how great this is. The movie stinks so why not keep you watching and learning more about this Z-rate film? You can extend your misery by watching the “Extended Filming”. It’s over five minutes of extended torture. There is also a stills gallery, a selection of Lionsgate movie trailers (including one for this film), and an audio commentary where you get to hear the director Ulli Lommel talk about his “great film”.

The commentary says little about the film though as he and Nola Roeper (who did something for the film though I’m not sure what) and Christian Behm discuss random, unrelated topics. You do learn about how the “DVD’s put out faster than Wal-Mart can stock them” comment is true. Ulli has made 7 movies in 7 months. I have to wonder how considering most of the best filmmakers take longer to write a script then that, but this is Ulli. As the son of a famous, German performer, all we can assume is he has money to play with his camera all day and making stupid little movies is his favorite pastime. That way he can make the whole world suffer by watching his films.

Bottom Line: Borderline Cult is awful. Don’t watch it. I know I never say this about movies I review, but I have to save you. Don’t even rent it, because maybe if it sucks bad enough to not sell a single copy, then maybe Lionsgate won’t make the mistake of picking up another Ulli Lommel film. Sorry Lionsgate. We love you, but you bombed with this one. Instead, I recommend you check out their Saw movies. At least, they have a plot that you can follow.

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Technorati Tags: Halloween, DVD, Scary Movies, Borderline Cult, Ulli Lommel, Awful Film, Rubbish, DVD Review, Lionsgate

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