The show started off recapping last week’s special episode of Monday Night RAW (shown on Thursday night) with Vince McMahon and Donald Trump making their match for Wrestlemania 23.

Vince McMahon swaggered out to the ring which was set up with a barbershop pole and chair.  At first, I thought that Britney Spears going to be a guest on RAW. They’ve already had Kevin Federline on the show before. It would totally make sense.

Standing by the chair, Mr. McMahon elaborated on exactly what he was going to do to Donald Trump at Wrestlemania, Vince’s greatest creation.  After Vince’s chosen representative beat the crap out of him, he would smack him around some more, strap him in the barber’s chair and make him beg Vince not to humiliate him.

Following Vince McMahon and Jeff Hardy staring one another down and a commercial break, the match was joined in progress.  Hardy had thrown out of the ring by Umaga and landed on the ring apron. As Umaga dived out to gobble up his prey, Hardy dived back into the ring, confusing the big man.  Hardy pulled off a neat maneuver on Umaga while holding onto the ropes from inside the ring, taking a few low dropkicks through the ropes and darting in and out while kicking the massive Samoan.  Things were going hunky-dory before Hardy attempted a dive on Umaga, only to be caught in mid-air.

With the action back in the ring, Umaga made with the usual punches and kicks on Hardy,  kicking Hardy directly in the face and knocking him to the canvas.  Hardy ran at Umaga before being elbowed. The leg drop came early on Hardy as Armando Estrada called the action outside the ring, before kicking the Intercontinental Champion in the back of the head.

Hardy got to his feet, yet barely connected with the Whisper in the Wind on Umaga, knocking the big man to the canvas. Umaga came back with the Samoan Spike followed by a huge Samoan Drop before dragging Hardy’s prone body to the corner and punching him repeatedly. Umaga ran to the corner before smooshing his ginormous, gelatinous glutes into Hardy’s face and pinning him.

Oh, boy. Umaga just won the Intercontinetal Championship. And the never-ending push of Umaga continues, for what reason, I have no clue.

I can understand, to a degree, putting the belt on Umaga, particularly going into Wrestlemania as Vince’s representative. It gives him more credibility as not just a wildy-gibbering menace who could stand to hang out more with Jenny Craig than Sara Lee. Other than that, Hardy carried the match with Umaga punching and kicking his way through the match.

Don’t get me wrong, it was exciting to see a title change hands on RAW. Similarly, it was good to see someone put up a solid fight against Umaga instead of being decimated in under a minute.

Up next, Mick Foley pimped his new book, The Hardcore Diaries. Jolly Ol’ Saint Mick plugged the book by saying that Vince McMahon would hate it (yet simultaneously endorse it). The Hardcore Diaries supposedly criticizes DX and exposes backstage politics. Foley claims that why the hell can’t he have three biographies. Winston Churchill did and who did he ever beat? (Umm… Just some creepy, evil guy with bad facial hair named Hitler?) Needless to say, I just ordered my copy. Strangely enough, the other day, I had a hankering to read a new Mick Foley book. Even weirder, it seems my wish has been granted. Sweet!

Following the "Mick Foley Super-Happy Shill Minute," Ric Flair came out in his wicked-awesome leather and blue robe, which probably meant that he was going to lose. Once again, on a night full of surprises, he didn’t. Actually, Flair and his tag team parner, Carlito didn’t lose.

Footage from last week was shown with the Nature Boy and Carlito shaking hands before Carlito made his entrance with a relatively conservatively-dressed Torrie Wilson.  Mr. Caribbean Cool had actually requested Flair as his partner against Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch.

To his credit, Cade wasn’t wearing the low-rise tights tonight. Instead, Cade was rockin’ a pair of red grape smugglers with assless chaps from the Shawn Michaels Collection. Murdoch’s sideburns were nicely groomed, which is at least a step in the right direction.  During the match, it dawned on me that Trevor Murdoch reminds me of a Shmoo. You know, those bowling-pin shaped creatures native to Lil’ Abner’s town of Dogpatch, only not as friendly and with a penchant for flannel. Speaking of the flannel, Murdoch went shirtless throughout the match. Murdoch and Cade get my vote as Tag Team Most In Need of a Fashion Consultant.

Torrie raised the hands of both Flair and Carlito high in victory. Awww…Carlito and Flair are buds! I wonder how long it will take for them to turn on one another.

I think a heel turn for Carlito will probably result from this pairing. Carlito is so much more fun as a heel and Ric Flair is too beloved to be anything but a face at this point. All four men involved in the ring put on a good match and for as impromptu of a teaming as Flair and Carlito made for, they looked pretty solid. Cade and Murdoch did their part in the match well and the action all around was fast-paced with no dead weight.

Backstage, pipsqueak Todd Grisham congratulated Cena and Michaels on their win at the No Way Out. Grilling them on their shaky alliance, Cena mentioned that he knows where he and HBK stand with one another. Michaels added he has his back, until Wrestlemania. The two men stared one another down before the segment turned towards comedy. Michaels was the first to break the stare, holding up a DVD of the "New and Improved DX" which could be purchased on WWEShop.com.

Cena criticized his selling technique and that if he was going for the hard sell, he’s really gotta bring it. To show HBK how it was done, Cena held up a copy of his own DVD ripe for the pimping, "The Marine," billing it as filled with action.  Michaels responded in a tiny voice saying "Mine has action." Cena countered with insiting that the Marine has thrills, to which HBK made with the hushed voice again said that "mine has thrills." Lastly, Cena sold the point that in "The Marine," he is impervious to bullets.  Michaels admitted that "bullets can hurt me," however the DX video he was promoting had "this guy." Right on cue, everyone’s favorite overweight male stripper, Big Dick Johnson came out shaking his wares for the camera and grinning like an idiot. Michaels promptly Super Kicked him out of the camera’s range before Cena and HBK walked off, seemingly the best of friends.

One of the few spots on the program that played for laughs, Cena and Michaels work really well together. I actually laughed out loud, so no complaints here.

Also backstage, those two whacky yentas, Edge and Orton were gabbing it up about how they want their tag team titles back. Edge mentioned his upcoming match tonight against the ECW roster’s Rob Van Dam for a qualifying spot in the Wrestlemania "Money in the Bank Match."  Orton looked confused.

Prior to the Edge and RVD match, Jim Ross explained that tonight’s competitors are the only two winners of the Money in the Bank Matches in WWE history.

Edge made his ring entrance coming out to his cool music and humping the mat. Always a nice touch. Then he gave the metal sign, which was pretty cool, too.

Rob Van Dam cames out and instantly, you knew who was going to win this one and his initials were not RVD. Mr. Monday Night (back on a Monday Night) jumped around on the ropes and the crowd ate it up.

Regaining momentum, Van Dam whipped Edge to corner with a high-reaching roundhouse spin-kick which dropped Edge.

Once both men got to their feet, punches ensued.  RVD clotheslined Edge before another high kick landed itself near Edge’s throat.  Going for the win, Van Dam hit his signature move, Rolling Thunder only to have Edge reach up and catch him, mid-manuever and slamming RVD to the mat. Edge attempted a cover to no avail.

The two men stood on top of the rope, throwing punches before RVD sent Edge batch-first to on the ring ropes before leaping off the top turnbuckle and clipping the Rated R Superstar in the face with the side of his leg.

RVD jumped to the outside, sailing over the ropes and onto Edge.  Edge lifted his leg up and kicked Van Dam in the ribs.  Still reeling from the blow, RVD leapfrogged over Edge, avoiding the Spear.

RVD attempted an awesome one-legged moonsault which connected.  At full speed, Van Dam ran to the corner to flip over himself and back onto Edge.  Randy Orton intervened as RVD jumped off the top rope and kicked him in the face.  Nevertheless, Rob Van Dam was caught off-guard and Edge pinned him.  Edge now qualifies for the Money In The Bank Ladder Match at Wrestlemania and will be competing for a shot at the title at a time of his choosing.

I actually like both competitors and this was a terrific match.  Both men carried it off well and there was certainly no lack of action, especially when you consider it went longer than most television matches do.  It’s still a shame to see the shabby treatment of Rob Van Dam in the WWE.  The man is incredibly talented, even ten years after the hey-day of the original ECW and not the cheap, Bob-Holly-pushing entity it’s devolved into now.

Following the commercial break was the Women’s Championship Match with Mickie James putting her belt on the line against Melina.  Clad in black and brown leopard print, Melina did her familiar split into the ring, sans Johnny Nitro but bringing a lot of cleavage with her.

Mickie James made her entrance, looking somewhat thinner.  It seems that her ghetto booty has gone down a bit, which is kind of a bummer.  You’d think her teaming with Super Crazy the past couple weeks that he would have given her some good ol’ fashioned beans and rice to help a girl maintain her figure!

The two women locked up, eventually turning it into a hair pulling contest.  Mickie tossed Melina backwards only to have Melina spring up and attempt an armbar behind the Women’s Champion.

Mickie countered with judo flip.  As Melina was thrown out of the ring, Mickie went for a baseball slide and missed.  Big whiffer!  Hair came into big play again with Melina yanking Mickie backwards by hair.  Mickie landed on top of Melina and the two women rolled around, taking turns on top.  (Get your mind out of the gutter.)  Mickie came bac with Lou Thesz press to Melina, whose nose had taken quite a beating in this match.

The Super-Sized Squash lasted under two minutes, which for a Khali match is epic.  With his frying pan-like hands, Khali picked Robbie up and threw him to the mat, pinning him with his boot.

Not much can be said for this match besides it leading me to believe that Donald Trump will pick Khali to be his Rasslin’ Representative at ‘Mania.

Backstage, Kenny Dykstra was being interviewed by Coach before Khali came back off of his win.  Coach-as-Interpreter deciphered that Khali "wants some competition."  I was hoping he had said that he wants "act-shun!  I wanna li-ive!" and jiving his way through a garbled rendition of Alicia Bridge’s disco classic, "I Love the Night Life."  (Hey, I already got the Foley book, so I can’t ask for too much here.)  Almost as good, Ron Simmns popped out to make his weekly, singular-syllable commentary, this time directed in Khali’s direction.  DAMN!

In another segment, Melina seemed P.O.-ed that WWE Diva and soon-to-be Playboy Playmate, Ashley Massaro’s Playboy-pushing spot appeared before her own interview.  I can only hope that this isn’t setting up a Wrestlemania match for the title between Melina and Ashley.  Moolah and Mae Young, even in their venerable states could out-wrestle Ashley and you don’t see either of them getting a title shot.  I’d rather eat my own toenails than watch that one.  I’m just hoping it’s not headed where I think it is.

Speaking of legends, the next inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame, Class of 2007 was announced: "Mr. Perfect" Kurt Hennig.  It’s about time!  Clips of Mr. Perfect shooting hoops and flicking his gum were interspersed with brief interviews with Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect’s father, Larry "The Axe" Hennig.  So far, the Class of 2007 is shaping up to be a good one.

The last match of the night promised to be a good one.  I had been waiting to see John Cena and Randy Orton face one another for some time now.  The match itself was decent– not great — and was marred by the lack of a clean finish.

Things started out with the two men locking up with Orton getting the better of The Champ.  Cena turned the tide, sending Orton to the corner before scooping him up in the a fisherman’s suplex, which seems to be a new staple of his repertoire.  Once again, Cena continued the assault with a hip-toss.  Orton got up and the two men ended up clotheslining one another to the mat before the final commercial break of the show.

After the break, Orton was whipped to into the steel stairs leading up to the ring.  Cena attempted to clock him with a leap to the outside, however Orton dodged it, leaving Cena in a heap. Randy Orton attempted to capitalize with an interesting modified DDT.  Cena kicked out at the count of two.

After some punching and kicking, Orton went to the well again and attempted the RKO, which Cena blocked it.  Apparently, as advertised in his plug for "The Marine," bullets aren’t the only thing Cena is impervious to, having been nailed by one of Randy Orton’s patented flying knee drops and a chin lock.  Cena busted out of them like Lil’ Kim at an MTV Music Awards ceremony.  I think the chin lock is now the official go-to maneuver for wrestlers to slap on one another to kill some time much like an elbow to the gut is the default for breaking a hold.

Several clotheslines to Orton later and one round of "You Can’t See Me," Cena scooped him up ready for the FU.  This time, Orton went for Cena’s eyes and using a move out of the Ric Flair handbook, got the champ to put him down.

In the final moments of the match, it looked like Cena would beat Orton cleanly with another FU, before Orton’s partner-in-crime, Edge ran into the ring and got Orton out of The Champ’s clutches, reaching for a couple ice-cold steel chairs.

Just as Edge was readying for the Conchairto, Shawn Michaels burst into the ring with his own steel chair, keeping his word that he and Cena were on the buddy system.  Yes, much like Napoleon and Pedro, Cena and Michaels have one another’s backs at all time.

HBK cleaned house, swinging the chair wildly at Orton and Edge and clocking them every time.  Team Rated RKO beat a hasty retreat to the back as Shawn’s DX music played.  Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler hyped a match made next week for the World Tag Team Titles with Cena and Michaels facing Orton and Edge.

Logical choices for Trump’s pick at Wrestlemania might either be Khali, or even ECW champion, Bobby Lashley.  Considering Lashley has been pushed as heavily as Umaga has, it would be a great way to move Lashley to the RAW brand.  Without that scenario as a strong possibility, the I.C. belt could just be spelled D.O.O.M.

I’m not sure where the Women’s Title is headed, either.  I’m just hoping not around the waist of Ashley Massaro.  She got her Playboy Payday and that’s great.  She’s just not really cut out to be a wrestler.  I’m just wondering when an infiltration of women who actually can wrestle (notably Jillian Hall, Beth Phoenix, and Nattie Neidhart - all of whom have been either signed to the WWE or have developmental deals) will occur.

Overall, though, this was an excellent episode of RAW with several strong matches that set up the scene for Wrestlemania.  Hands down, the Edge vs. RVD match was the best with Carlito and Flair teaming up as a close second.  I’m hoping the hype going into Wrestlemania 23 is matched in the event itself.

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Written by Lana - Visit Website

A very special Mond…er… Thursday Night RAW promised a special night with special appearances from Portland, Oregon.  Even with an Eight-Man-Tag as the Main Event, more matches made for Wrestlemania 23, and some surprise guests, the show didn’t really feel much like an episode of RAW than it did a commercial.

After another round of mutual admiration society-level niceties, Vince decreed a ban on cash.  (Note: Unless it’s at the merchandise booth.)  Several "you suck chants" broke out, which quickly turned to chants heralding Mr. McMahon as a of a certain part of rear-ended anatomy before Trump gave Vince and the audience the real reason why he was there in Portland.

Believing that he is stronger and better looking than Vince, Trump wants to prove it in a Battle of the Billionaires at Wrestlemania 23.  I, and many other wrestling fans, called this one some time ago.  It still doesn’t sound too hot. But wait!  Things only get worse.

Vince, informing Trump and the audience that his doctors advised him against in-ring competition, having been beaten bloody in several matches with his son, Shane-O-Mac (who while Vince has the body, Shane can put on an amazing match like no other millionaire today), Mr. McMahon proposed that each billionaire has a representative in the match to battle it out on their behalf.  Kind of like the rich guy version of Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots.

Just when you think things can’t get any more groan-worthy, even more wood is added to the fire.  Yet another stipulation is that the Wrestlemania is that it now becomes not only a Battle of the Billionaires and their wrestling representatives, but now it’s going to be a Hair vs. Hair Match.  If McMahon’s representative loses, Vince gets his head shaved by Trump.  If Trump’s chosen wrestler loses, Vinnie gets to make with the clippers on Donald. Yep, this could be even worse.  Both men have been supposed members of not only the Fortune 500 Club, but also belonging to Sy Sperling’s Hair Club For Men.  Trump insisted that his comb-forward was not a rug at all, but actually his real hair, yanking back the top part and showing, in fact, that the roots really were there and his hair actually was growing in that incredibly odd fashion.

Mr. McMahon almost punked out of the hair match but Trump goaded him into it before the two men took several more potshots at Rosie O’Donnell.  The Donald admitted that the wrestler portraying Rosie (indie-federation Women’s Champion, Kiley McLean) was much more attractive than O’Donnell herself.  Word to that, Donald! The two men shake hands and it’s a deal!

Following the first commercial break of the night, the wrestling action kicked off with a mixed tag match pitting the team of Johnny Nitro and his main squeeze, Melina against Super Crazy and the Women’s Champion, Mickie James. 

In a very crotch-centric entrance, Johnny Nitro did some heavy-duty pelvic thrusts as Melina performed her crowd-pleasing, split-legged slide into the ring.

Super Crazy and Mickie James made their entrance and this had to be the happiest I’ve seen Crazy look in a long time.  Mickie’s red and white outfit had a decidedly Latin flavor, although she was wearing several strands of red beads around her neck.  That can’t be too smart.

With Nitro and Melina thrown out of the ring, Crazy and Mickie slapped a high-five before baseball sliding into the couple on the outside, in stereo.  The two women got back in the ring with Mickie clutching Melina in a fireman’s carry.  Melina reverses the hold, yanking her backwards with a knee to the Champion’s back and scoring the pin on Mickie James, as well as a win for herself and Nitro.

Overall, this was a solid match with great work from all four competitors.  Nitro has really grown on me and is really showing off some great maneuvers.  Melina is morphing into a strong women’s competitor and Mickie James, while good to begin with, is showing a lot more polish.  As for Super Crazy, it’s great to see him getting some more air-time, having been long-relegated to the back burner and seriously underrated.

After a recap of last week’s RAW with HBK winning the Triple Threat Match, beating out Orton and Edge for a shot at John Cena’s Championship Title at Wrestlemania, it’s on to the next match: Eugene vs. The Great Khali.

Lawler snarked on Eugene’s hair, which, admittedly, could use a bit of conditioning and a trim on the split ends.  It looks like Eugene is back to being a face, the latest in cuddly ShopZone merchandise that looks like a cross between Tito Santana as El Matador, Ric Flair, and Paul Orndorff in  teddy bear form.  I think it’s supposed to be Ric Flair.  Cool.  I guess I’ll be visiting ShopZone, too. 

The Great Khali made his entrance, as big as ever.  The match immediately gets underway with Khali smashing Eugene forwards and backwards into the canvas.  Eugene grabbed at Khali’s pants to drag himself to his feet.  Careful, Euge.  You might yank those low-riders down. We can already see the Great Sarlack Pit that is Khali’s Belly Button.

Thirty seconds and one chokeslam later, Eugene is hurled to the mat with Khali planting a boot on top of him for a very easy pin.  He impressively steps over the ring ropes by just swinging a leg over the top.  Wow.  That is one big mutha.  (Shut your mouth!)

Bummer since I was actually back to rooting for Eugene.  Hey, he likes stuffed animals, too and us "doll talkers" have to stick together.

Backstage, Shawn Michaels gave a fair promo with Maria informing us all that "Mr. Wrestlemania has arrived."

Speaking of promos, Ric Flair’s "lazy, underachieving, son of a bitch" promo directed towards Carlito got some replay.  Now that, is how a promo is done. Backstage, Flair is interviewed by Todd Grisham before being interrupted by Carlito.  Carlito demanded an apology from Flair.  Flair goes off on Carlito and denied him his rendition of "Sorry 2007" on the grounds that "Half the locker room has all the ability in the world but has no guts and no heart." Carlito, referring to himself in the third person, insisted he will "show him passion."  (Ooh, and a day after Valentine’s Day, too. Kinky!)  Flair accepted Carlito’s challenge to a match the evening’s program, soundly "Woo!"-ing in the youngster’s face.

At this point, Masters clapped Hardy in Master Lock.  Hardy attempted to maneuver out of the still-unbroken hold by running at the ropes and trying to catapult himself over Masters head with his legs.  Hardy managed to make it to the ropes, lifting himself up with the hold still clamped on him.  With Hardy’s body touching the ropes and standing outside of them, the ref forces the hold to be broken.  Baffled, Masters was shocked enough to be surprised by the agile Hardy running at him, knocking Masters backwards and rolling him up for the pin.  Jeff Hardy won the match and a shocked Masters lost his shot at the title.

A match showcasing two completely different styles and body-types of wrestlers, this oen turned out really well with both men giving their all.  This was pleasantly surprising and entertaining.

Following another commercial break, .Jerry "The King" Lawler gave a reverent introduction to "Rowdy" Roddy Piper who has officially kicked cancer’s ass.  "Hot Rod" looked pretty good.  Sure, he’s still got pasty white legs and a beer gut, but it’s great to see him back in the ring, healthy and happy. Wearing an all-black kilt, Roddy smiled like Tommy Dreamer at an all you can eat buffet as the crowd gave him a well-deserved standing ovation in his adopted hometown of Portland.  Piper came dangerously close to tearing up before shaking it off.

After a brief address to the crowd, thanking them for their support, Piper was given the honor of announcing the first inductee in the WWE Hall of Fame, Class of 2007, Dusty Rhodes.

They showed a great video package featuring Mr. Soul, Mr. Charisma, himself, Dusty Rhodes.  Pat Patterson’s lovely Canadian accent and confusion of singulars and plurals were on display, referring to the Son of a Plumber as "Dusty Rhode."  (God, I love Pat Patterson!) Glimpses of some of Dusty’s greatest promos were featured in the package, from the "250 lbs. of blue eyed soul captivated the nation," the "Son of a Plumber who crawled out of the ditch at 8-years-old and grew up to be so sweet" promo, to the dynamic "Kings and Queens/Pork and Beans" promo.  Needless to say, I was marking out throughout the whole segment with Dusty and Flair.  Even when Dusty and Sweet Saphire were breakin’ it down for the Common Folk.

Speaking of breakin’ it down, Dusty Rhodes came out to accept his bid to the Hall of Fame to the tune of  his amazingly awesome "American Dream" theme, performing the Dance O’ Dusty.  The man’s forehead looks like a pound of uncooked bacon, but it’s all good.  Much like Piper, Dusty received a standing ovation, as well.  As Piper and Rhodes hug, it’s almost too much awesomeness for one ring.

The two men gave their respect to one another and Dusty began to address the crowd about his American Dream.  That’s when things went south.  Cue the pounding tribal drums.  Out came Umaga and his handler Armando "Easy on the Alejandro" Estrada down to the ring.  Dude.  You DO NOT interrupt the Dream, much less the Dream with Roddy Piper in the ring.

I actually shouted obscenities at my television set when Umaga and Estrada came out.  I wasn’t the only one as it seemed that the crowd didn’t care for it either.  Umaga instantly spiked Dusty who had gone up in his grill.  Pardon the pun.

From behind, Piper whacked Umaga with the chair.  Then Piper got the Samoan Spike.  Then Rhodes got spiked again. Commentator Jim Ross remarked that  "I can’t believe Umaga would desecrate this moment!  Umaga has spit in the face of every WWE fan!" No, that would be either Vince McMahon or whoever did the booking for this segment. They had me, and then they lost me.

Going for broke once again, Carlito attempted the backcracker but, again, Flair held onto the ropes, sending Carlito flying onto his back.  Flair cradled Carlito backwards for the pin and scored the win.  I totally called that.

Post-match, it seemed that Carlito was attempting to catch Flair off guard. Flair, on the defensive, put his dukes up.  Instead, Carlito offered Ric his hand to shake. Now that’s cool.

Backstage, Melina was chatting with Nitro, frantically wondering where the reporters were since she had to make an important announcement.  Melina would be facing Mickie James for the Women’s Championship.  Pondering the paparazzi’s punctuality, Melina wondered aloud, "Who is more important than me?

Apparently, WWE Diva Ashley Massaro, gracing the new cover of Playboy, would be more important than her.  Yes, because non-wrestling Divas showing their hoo-hoo dillies takes precedence over women’s wrestlers actually competing in wrestling competition on a show about wrestling.

Ashley was interviewed by Todd Grisham and the audience was given a sneak peak of her Playboy photo shoot, complete with a pre-taped interview of Ashley talking about what it’s like "Showing her ‘Ashley-ness.’"  Right.  Is that we’re calling it now?  The highlight of the segment was Ron Simmons and his fabulous shirt coming out and voicing his approval of Ms. Massaro… DAMN!

Still backstage, Smackdown’s Mr. Kennedy and Montell Vontavious Porter are welcomed to RAW - aka- "The ‘A’ Show" by Orton and Edge.  Edge and Orton are together again and I seemed to have missed something.  Someone please page the continuity department..  After Edge tells Kennedy to switch to decaf, the Rated RKO Superstars entice Kennedy and MVP with the prospect of Michaels and Cena receiving multiple conchairtos in tonight’s match and Batista could reinjure his shoulder.

RAW show cut to another break after J.R. and Jerry "The King" Lawler hyped the Eight-Man Mayhem Match, pitting RAW Tag Team Champions Shawn Michaels and John Cena with Smackdown’s Undertaker and Batista on one team, versus RAW’s Team Rated RKO and Smackdown’s MVP and Mr. Ken Kennedy on the other.

The ring entrances alone suck up about eight minutes of the remaining twenty on the program.  Batista was out first to a huge crowd ovation, performing the Batista Typewriter Dance that I love so much.

The match started out with Cena and Orton.  Orton hammered Cena’s head and whipped him into the corner.  Cena reversed it, lifting Orton into a Fisherman’s Suplex.  Orton was then thrown overhead by a hiplock takeover.  Cena was definitely on top of his game with some tricky maneuvers on Thursday Night RAW.

Kennedy was tagged in and commenced hammering Cena in the head, again.  More of the same ensues again before ‘Taker was tagged in, grabbing Kennedy, twisting him and dragging Mr. Kennedy by the arm before sending him to the turnbuckle and dropping Orton off the turnbuckle in one fell swoop.  Old school Undertaker reigned supreme as he walked the ropes, coming down off of the high wire with Kennedy’s arm in tow.

MVP tried to make a run-in to no avail.  Michaels was tagged in and got straight to work on Kennedy.  Kennedy was launched off the ropes.  Michaels ducked down but Kennedy caught him with a boot to the face.

MVP and Kennedy worked over Michaels before MVP was legally tagged into the ring  Porter didn’t fare too well after that, falling prey to a swinging neckbreaker into a snapmare takeover, courtesey of HBK.

MVP got him back, locking on a front face lock on Michaels before Edge was tagged in.  Edge ran at Michaels into the corner only to meet with HBK’s devastating Insaguri kick.  Lawler got in one of the best lines of the night, marking the "Krispy Kreme look on Edge.  His eyes are glazed over."  Good one, King.

Batista was then tagged in, much to the crowd’s roaring approval as he walloped Edge.  Edge climbed to the top rope attempting to land on top of Batista. The Animal dodged the move, throwing Edge to the corner before cleaning house with a series of  spinebusters to Edge, MVP, and Kennedy, who all try and run in.

One more commercial break found the match still in-progress upon RAW’s return.  Batista clotheslined Edge to the mat before tagging in Cena.  Cena then picked Edge up and dropped him to the canvas.  Before you know it, it’s "You can’t see me" time, followed by the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Cena squatted down and picked Edge up in an attempt at an FU before Orton saved his partner, grabbing Edge’s hand as Cena got too close to the competition’s corner.

Orton hammered Cena to the mat, finishing him off with a huge knee drop.  Undertaker came in with a big boot, averting the pin.  Then it was MVP’s turn to come in and hammer on Cena.  MVP showed off some nice moves, sending Cena to the corner, locking a neck vice on the Champ before executing a snapmare takeover.  Cena got to his his feet, powering out of another MVP neck vice and lifting MVPs arms off of him before back body dropping him.  Kennedy came in to make a save, elbowing Cena and throwing a few knees to the spine for good measure before kicking Cena square in the ribs.

Great!  Team Cena/Michaels/Taker/’Tista won!  That would be all fine and dandy except for the fact that Undertaker was pissed, thinking HBK pulled something funny on him.  Before he could say "Shawn, you’ve got some ’splainin’ to do," Undertaker reached out and chokeslammed HBK.  Cena rushed into the ring to help his partner.  Batista intervened on behalf of his newest best buddy Undertaker and dropped Cena like a WWE Diva drops her clothes for Playboy.  The show ended with Batista and Undertaker surveying the carnage and HBK and Cena laying on the mat.

While a pretty good offering, this didn’t really feel like an episode of RAW.  Maybe it was the time slot or the Thursday Night switcheroo that threw things off.  It seemed more like a commercial than a proper episode of RAW, albeit a better than average commercial.

Seeing Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes and Roddy Piper on the same episode is always a treat.  Seeing Dusty and Piper get the Samoan Spike by Umaga on a night that should have been fairly celebratory was not so much of a treat.

I’m not exactly wowed by the premise of the McMahon vs. Trump match, even more so since it’s not two 50-ish rich guys duking it out than it is whomever they pick to be their representatives.  I’m curious as to who they pick.  Umaga and Khali aren’t doing much of anything for Wrestlemania.  Having not only a Battle of the Billionaires but a Battle of the Marble-Mouthed Monoliths would be interesting, however neither one really fits into the scenario of a corporate-themed match.  Stone Cold Steve Austin has been rumored to come back and could be a huge draw.  Hulk Hogan always seems to be game for any sort of ‘Mania match, too and Hogan vs. Austin seems to be one that fans have had their hopes set on for nearly a decade.  I’d suggest a Wrestlemania redux of Hogan and The Rock, but Mr. Maivia, while in shape, doesn’t really have the super-jacked wrestling physique any more, having tuned down his tone more in step with the silver screen than the Titan Tron.

If I’m going out on a limb here, is it too much for a sick, twisted, and warped little fan girl to hope for Vince and The Donald picking the Iron Sheik and B. Brian Blair as their representatives?  That match alone would be worth the price of PPV admission.

Overall, not a bad RAW at all.  I’ll be happier when it’s back on Monday nights, though where it feels more like home.

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Written by Lana - Visit Website

In this week’s episode, House finds someone who can feel even less than he does - in a physical sense.  Even more ironic, this happened to be the show’s Valentine’s Day episode.  And we find out that Cuddy is an endocrinologist.  Oh, and that she likes sex.

Foreman was with Drs. Chase and Cameron being formally introduced to the Patient of the Week.  House made his presence known and his eyes practically lit up when he found out that she had a neurological disorder that rendered her with the inability to feel pain, cold or heat.  Giving her a cursory once-over and an introduction to his snarky bedside manner, House gave the Doctors Three the lowdown on the girl’s condition, noticing minute scarring on her lips and tongue from unknowingly chewing on them and commented on the girl’s Ashkenazi Jewish heritage as well as her first and last name.

But on to more important thing!  Like the proverbial shark that smelled blood in the water, House made a beeline to Cuddy’s office to grill her about her blind internet date coming up.  Things could only get worse.

Meanwhile, Hannah insisted upon seeing her mother, to the point of becoming disorderly and not allowing the Doctor’s Three to make sure that she was alright from the car accident.  The girl’s mother was still in surgery.  Little to her knowledge, Mom seemed to be in pretty bad shape.

Consulting with House as to whether or not to sedate the girl to get her to calm down or risk breaking Hannah’s arm in order to restrain her, House was all for hitting her with a nice dose.  He also relayed the message from "Nurse Shortie… Your bizznitch" to Foreman regarding a possible Valentine’s Day rendezvous.

Seeing that Foreman and Company were in a predicament and unsure of exactly how to hit the kid with a sedative, House swung by to make his rounds, engaging in a pissing contest of "Who Has It Worse" with young Hannah.  While she argued that she can’t cry because of her illness and an issue with her tear ducts and that boys can’t hold her for too long lest she overheat, House countered with the vicious stunner "Girls can’t hold me for too long because I only pay for an hour."  Wow.  In a vain attempt to counter House’s bit of self pity, Hannah mentioned that she had burnt her ass as a kid and if he would like to see the coil marks as evidence.  House agreed to check them out and as soon as Hanna lifted up the rear end of her dressing gown, BAM, House injected her with a sedative right in the ol’ pooper.

With Hannah in a significantly calmer state, Dr. Cameron checked her temperature which was a balmy 105 degrees.  As she began to have a seizure, Cameron called for tons of alcohol- and ice-soaked sheets to bring the girl’s fever down.

Ruling out infection as the cause for the extreme temperature, House suggested performing a spinal nerve biopsy to determine the cause of the Hannah’s temperature rising and manic behavior (barring the fact that the girl was obviously upset about still not being allowed to see her mother, still in surgery).

The Doctors Three advised against a spinal nerve biopsy as it would risk paralysis.  House insisted, telling them that he would go to Cuddy to obtain permission.  With House off and running, Chase piped up with his own idea as to determine what ailed the kid.  Using the "Where does it hurt approach," he and the other Doctors Three would subject the girl to a battery of tests that might resemble medieval torture to most patients with sensory nerves capable of feeling, but would feel like a light tickle to Hannah.

Next, it was Foreman’s turn to break out the iron maiden, rather to drill a hole in the girl’s head to check for a brain tumor that would cause her tear ducts to be inactive.  If it was a tumor, the second the drill made contact with it, she’d be in screaming agony and voila, they’d have a diagnosis.  As the drill went deeper with Hannah’s head screwed into a metal device holding it in place, she began screaming for them to stop, the team releasing her from the device and pulling the drill out.  As Hannah collapsed to the floor, a demented little smile crept across the girl’s face and she ran off.  She knew what would happen and how she could manipulate the situation to her advantage.  Point one, Hannah.

Elsewhere in Princeton-Plainsboro, House and Dr. Wilson were gossiping about a hospital lawyer who was dating a nurse that used to be a man.  Somewhere in the conversation, Wilson admitted that he truly hates having to be House’s conscience.  He acknowledged what he believed was the real reason for House wanting to do a risky spinal nerve biopsy on Hannah was because her "lack of pain is the answer to your pain."  House could use the girl’s illness to find a way to assist him in coping with his leg injury.  House could care less and wanted to hear more about the tranny nurse.  (Me, too!)

Just then, a special announcement was made with House being informed that Hannah was poised to jump off of the lobby balcony.  The precariously-perched pubescent insisted upon seeing her mother, or else she’d jump.  Hannah unwittingly ended up making good on her threat, noting that she could not feel her legs as her pins gave way, sending the teen to the lobby floor below.  Ouch.

Following the commercial break, Hannah had been scraped off the lobby floor and was situated in her hospital bed with a total of six broken bones, a fever, a concussion and a few other treats thrown in for good measure.  The fall was caused by her paralysis, and not the paralysis a result of the fall.  Once again, with little regard for her own condition, Hannah inquired about her mother.  And yet again, she was still in surgery.

In the War Room, House and The Doctor’s Three bandied about several plausible causes for Hannah’s aliment ranging from age to a Thyroid Storm.  House still insisted on a spinal nerve test.  Once again, he found himself denied by the Doctors Three and sent scrambling to Cuddy.

Tracking Cuddy, this time, to her home, House noticed that Cuddy, although wearing the same clothes he saw her in at the coffee shop, wasn’t wearing a bra and that her fireplace had a toasty, roaring blaze cooking, something people typically do not do unless they have…ahem…"company."  House called out Cuddy on taking her date home and doing the nasty.  Aww yeah.

He wanted to go out with "that woman," however, it seemed that there was some chemistry between "that woman" and House.  As Crappily-Dressed Date Dude kissed Cuddy on the cheek and bid her a good evening, a bummed out Cuddy contemplated his words. Well, at least he wasn’t dumping her for the tranny nurse.

Back at the hospital, Hannah’s paralysis was worsening.  House insisted upon a biopsy.  Kindly Dr. Wilson refused to back his claim, noting that he was reading several medical journals about the girl’s condition and knowing House’s keen interest in the disorder which caused an inability to feel physical pain.

He read directly to House about studies concerning nerves which remain pain-free and the possibility of using them to create a protein that could help people like House with their own injuries.  As Wilson cited that House would find himself on inhibitors for life and would have a shorter lifespan, House debated what was worse, a shorter lifespan or not being able to live a "normal" life.

Once again, playing the role of House’s conscience, Wilson asked House if his actions were easily justified.  If he could risk permanent damage to the girl by being so selfish he would abuse his hypocratic oath to treat a patient to benefit himself.

In another wing of the hospital, Drs. Cameron and Foreman were poring over results of Hannah’s tests and debating whether or not doctors could have "social" lives as opposed to "sex" lives, particularly as it concerned his relationship with Nurse Wendy.  Foreman, almost as good at House as reversing the dissection process, in turn asked Cameron about her relationship with her deceased husband and whether or not it was the "real thing."

He argued that she married a dying man and, if even in the back of her mind, had to know that she wasn’t making a long-term commitment.  He said that when she had been married for 30 years, like his own parents, then she could talk to him about "commitment."  To soften the blow of his over-the-surface confrontational nature, Foreman said that he didn’t discount Cameron’s level of commitment to her dead husband, but rather that he knew that "people who avoid commitment know how important it is.

As Foreman and Cameron debated the lost art of romance and continued to find a reason for Hannah’s mystery malady,