Why God MUST Be a Bastard

Typically speaking (if we must speak typically) Monotheistic Religion views God in one of two lights. God is either merciless and good, or merciful and good. The merciless sort of deity is where we get holy wars from. The merciful sort is where we get hippies.

That said, I think there’s actually a great deal of evidence that says even the merciful sort of God is pretty bastardly if taken in a purely dogmatic sense. I’ll give you an example. Let’s say you’re a little African girl born in some out of the way village at the turn of the 1200’s. Let’s say by virtue of the lifestyle and environment in which you were raised, you have opportunity, nay, even imperative to breach all ten of your classic Christian commandments.

If you think this couldn’t be done, that it would somehow violate some fundamental moral code we all have, check out some anthropology. Don’t think I’m being exclusive to Africa here either. I dare say that virtually any culture at a certain level of development and isolation would have plenty of reason to breach ten magical laws they were unaware of breaching.

Back to my example, say you’re this African girl and in your life you’ve committed awful sins against the classically interpreted Christian God. One day you die and find yourself face to face with the almighty, (who for purposes of this story is the Christian God) and he looks NOTHING like what you were expecting. He tells you you’ve got a choice, repent now, or face everlasting torment. This is a quandary for you, because, not only are you faced with something unfamiliar, but in fact your own theology (much like Christianity) most likely includes both good AND evil forces in the universe, and the evil ones ALWAYS lie.

So you’ve got a choice. Either trust this unfamiliar deity who’s blaming you for things you didn’t know were crimes, and who very well might be lying, or you go with what you know, tell him to shove off and hope that your own benevolent ultra-deity will step in and get your back. Generally speaking, people are slow to change. My money says you go with what you know.

For this example, you’d be wrong. You’d have just rejected your only out, and now you’re going to spend all of eternity in perpetual torment. Sucks to be you.

Unfortunately, this is how almost ALL exclusionary religions treat God, regardless of whether he’s the merciful or vengeful type. Either way when it comes to the big finale, you’re screwed if you had any other kind of belief beforehand, which you uphold after dying.

Now, there are some faiths that make accounts for this, even Christian denominations, but the weight of ones that don’t or that ignore their own allowances (oh, there’s far too many of those as well) is staggering. Since God hasn’t stepped in and actively defined himself for us in awhile, we’re left with other people’s interpretations to tell us how to react. Got to be honest here, going by the majority, God’s kind of a bastard.

Don’t get me wrong, I put to bed my beef with the almighty years ago. Remember, I gave up atheism. In a strictly academic sense I acknowledge his ability to be a bastard even if I don’t believe it to be so.

Another example was provided to me by a friend some years ago. She said (and I believe she was quoting, but I’m not sure from where) that God could be two of three things. God could be all knowing, all powerful, or absolutely good. The explanation goes like so:

Terrible things happen to good people on a daily basis. There are atrocities being committed in the world that would turn your stomach just to hear if not endure. So, God’s got a stake in all this, yeah? He could conceivably stop the bad things, right? Perhaps. Let’s say God is good. People like God to be good. Hell, even I like it; so let’s say he is. If he’s good and all powerful, then bad things happening to good people is okay, because he isn’t necessarily all knowing. Maybe while he’s saving an infant in Iran from a car bombing, a girl in New Guinea gets gang raped.

God then would be constantly using his powers to play catch up with the horrors of man. The other option is that he’s all knowing, but NOT all powerful. In this case he KNOWS that the shit is going down, but can’t stop any or all of it, and so some gets through despite his intentions. If the big G is both all powerful and all knowing, then he CANNOT be absolutely good in the moral sense that we normally think of him. He therefore is operating on some other spectrum of morality, and by our definition would have to be, just a little bit of a bastard.

That said, I don’t think God really IS a bastard. Quite the contrary.

Next time: Why god CANNOT be a bastard.

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