Most people may not realize how rude they appear to those of us in wheelchairs. I was reminded just how rude people can be when I went to a local church festival in the town where I live. Other than my girlfriend, son and mother-in-law who came with me, I didn’t know a single soul at the festival. Still, I couldn’t help but notice how much these people like to stare!

In just one day, I had various individuals from one church festival commit all the major no-nos an able-bodied person can commit. Granted, these grievous acts weren’t all committed by the same person, but the fact that they were committed at all is just damn annoying. It’s a symbol to how little progress has been made in allowing the able-bodied community to understand those of us with disabilities.

I don’t look weird. I’m a chubby guy, with dark hair. I have decent control of my arms…Well, enough to drive my wheelchair around. I don’t appear to be falling out of my wheelchair or any of that fun stuff. I’m just your average guy who happens to sit all the time instead of standing. So, why is it that people not only have to give me “looks” or stare downs, but they have to give me dirty looks?

I can understand when little kids stare at me. I’m used to it and actually, I encourage it. This shows interest in my wheelchair and learning about it. Unfortunately, parents often say things in shushed whispers like “don’t stare at that handicapped person” (did I mention I hate the word handicapped?! – it’s way too outdated) or they yank them away from me like I’m a diseased parasite about to spread my infectious wheelchair-itis onto their precious little one.

This is the perfect opportunity for a lesson in compassion and understanding. If you have a child who is staring at someone in a wheelchair, ask the person in the wheelchair (politely) if your child can ask a question or two. More often than not, the person will say yes. Occasionally, you’ll get someone who is either in a hurry (hey, we have lives, too!) or who is just a jerk. Don’t chalk it up to the behavior of all of us. If I have the time, I’d gladly answer questions from an inquisitive kid instead of letting their parents assume why I’m in a wheelchair or letting a parent give them the wrong information about people in wheelchairs.

For those who wish to tell their children about people in wheelchairs themselves or for those who aren’t kids, but still like to stare, here is a guide of dos and don’ts in relation to how those of us in wheelchairs like to be treated.

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Today is a day of blogging for LGBT families all over the internet. For those living under a rock, LGBT stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered. I just happen to technically be considered transgendered. This means that my gender doesn’t match my birth sex. Essentially, I was born female, but grew up with the feelings and emotions of a male. Gender is different from sex because sex is biological and gender is perceived. In easier terms, sex is based on body parts and biological makeup, while gender is how you envision yourself.

Strangely enough, the cause for this might just be a biological one. One theory is that those of us who are transgendered are the way we are because in utero (while in the womb), we were exposed to different hormones than we should have been. A transgendered MTF (male to female) might have been exposed to more estrogen and/or androgen while an FTM (female to male) might have been exposed to more testosterone and/or androgen.

It is an interesting theory, especially considering the fact that the ob/gyn who spent her time examining me, in the womb for nine months, swore I was a boy. I was being carried like a boy. Everything appeared as though I were going to be born a boy. With as much experience as she had (having delivered hundreds of babies) she was seldom wrong and quite shocked when I came out a girl.

You see, I was born believing I had to act like a female because biologically I was one. I later realized that all of the feelings of discontent came from my being perceived as something I was not. To me, I was just one of the boys. Most of my close friends were other boys and I liked doing things most boys did. As an adult, I’ve taken the steps to become a man. This involves a lot of dedication. There is the legal aspect (name change and all that comes with it, change of gender on important documents), the physical aspect (dressing, cutting my hair, surgery and embodying the male persona) and the hormonal aspect (regular shots of testosterone). There is also the psychological aspect. I have to be deemed sane enough to be on hormones and have surgery. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have qualified.

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Well, there’s no question Chloe Lattanzi, the untalented, hack daughter of Olivia Newton John, is a freak. I don’t mean a cool freak you can respect either. She’s an off key, wannabe singer who doesn’t understand the point of emphasizing her words and has this guttural sounding lisp that makes her sound disgustingly stupid. As a trained singer, I can’t even listen without wanting to rip my hair out (and my head is pretty much shaved - not much hair there to tear)!

Last Thursday, the progeny of the rich and famous on Rock the Cradle had to sing a song that defined themselves. Chloe Lattanzi just happened to pick the song “Freak on a Leash”. We already know she’s a freak who likes to fill her lips with so much collagen I fear they will explode. She also had that anorexia thing going on and I seem to feel like she lost weight everywhere, but in her lips. Either way, she didn’t have to tell us something we already knew and ruin a perfectly good Korn song in the process.

You can check out her off key, screechy, overly bad performance here.

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I just had to write a piece on this disgusting phenomenon that I know has been going on for a while, but I just haven’t had the chance to write on it, until now. This is something that hits pretty close to home. I was born with a muscle disease. It’s called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. It’s similar to Muscular Dystrophy and is covered under the 40+ neuromuscular diseases in the MD family. It’s really too complex to explain. All anyone really needs to know is that it’s like MD, but isn’t technically MD. This usually just means I tell people I have Muscular Dystrophy. It’s much easier that way.

That being said, I should tell you I’m wheelchair bound. I have been since I was 16. Before then, I used a scooter to get around and walked with a limp. I should also add this is going to be a discussion of something that is quite graphic and mature in nature. I’m warning anyone under 18 to stop reading and turn away now. You have plenty of time to worry about subjects like this after you become an adult.

I don’t know if I like calling this a phenomenon because there is nothing phenomenal about it, but for lack of a better word I’ve called it that. Ultimately, it’s a craze that only certain people seem to be going through and it’s becoming a big thing on the internet, with support sites for these psycho-sickos popping up around the net. A doctor called the three groups Devotees, Pretenders and Wannabes. There’s a whole group of these lunatics and I don’t know which group of the three is the most disgusting. All of them are suffering from severe paraphelias. Of course, no excuses should be made. Pedophilia is a severe form of paraphelia and it’s downright disturbing. Likewise, the DPW movement is equally as disgusting.

Next to children, who is one of society’s most vulnerable groups? It is a pretty good and accurate guess to say those with disabilities. Being a person with a disability, I’d have to say, in many instances, this is sadly the truth. A lot of this is because folks with disabilities have few governmental protections and not as many opportunities to flourish. Sure, many of us are smart enough to overcome our disabilities when given the right resources, but those aren’t always out there, so in many instances, we are left vulnerable.

Like children, who must fear pedophiles, those of us with disabilities must fear DPWs. They are predators who get sexual satisfaction and pleasure from being deranged assholes. I don’t know any other, nicer way to put it. You could argue, oh these people are sick. Yeah, Ted Bundy was sick, too. Sick in the head, but we still wanted him to go to prison and die. Still, there is no punishment for DPWs because by governmental laws, they aren’t doing anything wrong.

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Temptation. If you’re a Christian (which I’m not) you might believe that any form of temptation, be it a gluttonous urge or a sexual one, is wrong. I’m here to tell you that I don’t believe temptation is a sin, but when you are dieting, as I am, temptation needs to be something that is controlled.

I know I spoke about non-food related things that cause temptation in my last article. Now I’m going to explore all those yummy delicacies, the delicious goodness that has caused many of us to gain weight in the first place. Some food tastes good. It’s easy to see why we enjoy eating. It’s delicious though it is not always nutritious. No matter who you are, you always have some vice. For some, it’s chocolate, sweets, or other dessert foods. Some people crave carbs. Others prefer alcohol or caffeinated beverages. Whatever your vice is, it can be hard to give up.

What tempts you? I know, for me, my biggest weakness is carbohydrates…in particular, potatoes. I love potatoes mashed, baked, fried, French fried, scalloped, in a potato bake, hotcakes, hash browns, and pretty much any other way, but sweet. Potatoes are one of the foods that I could never seem to give up. In the past month or so since I’ve been on my diet, they’re the food I’ve missed the most. When I was in college, I practically lived on chicken tenders and fries. Now, I’ve gone well over a month without either of theses fatty, carbie yummy-goodies, and it hasn’t been easy.

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One of the biggest motivators that leads me down the path of unwanted temptation is stress. Stress makes a lot of people eat. That’s because food tastes good (depending on what you eat) and people feel good when they are enjoying a delicious meal. I admit it. I used to eat when I felt stressed. That’s probably part of my problem. It’s normal, to eat when stressed. I think that, like craving sleep, it’s a natural reaction by your body. Food is familiar so your body craves that familiarity as much as it craves the taste.

I’ve been under a remarkable amount of stress lately. You can read all about it here or here or here if you’re so inclined. Why I’m stressed really doesn’t matter as much as whether I decided to cheat on my diet or not. I know I haven’t been keeping as up to date on what I’ve been eating, but I’m going to vow to try to do better. I’ve received some good feedback about this article series. I’d love for all of you to share your thoughts on my journey and your own personal weight loss journeys with me (and everyone else who reads this) in the comment section. It can be beneficial to lose weight together and I’d love to make some friends who have the same goals I do.

That being said, I am proud to report, I have not cheated. Yesterday, I ate a lean pocket for one meal. I’ve been especially enjoying the chicken quesadilla and chicken Parmesan varieties. I also like the flat bread chicken wraps, a lot by lean cuisine. I could live on that. I’ve also been eating progresso soup. Ash also bought me a can of Campbell’s low calorie gumbo. It was actually pretty good, as I had it two days ago. For my other meal, I had porterhouse steak.

I know that this probably isn’t the healthiest form of meat, but next to a small salad, I hadn’t had many calories for the day. With just the meat and salad, and no side dish of potatoes (like I used to eat), I was getting some much needed protein and I was enjoying my most favorite food on the planet.

All in all, with a 90 calorie snack pack of peanut butter Quaker oats mini delights, some of Ash’s low calorie, homemade steak sauce with my steak, and a 100 calorie pack, I came in at around 1280-1300 calories. (Note: I also am only drinking water unless otherwise noted) I’m finding it almost difficult to hit 1200 calories, especially when I haven’t been waking up early enough to enjoy breakfast. I know I need to make sure I have three meals a day, and I promise to try to do better in that area. Of course, I worry about eating less than 1200 calories a day.

I know the average person eats a 2000 calorie diet. Here I am eating 800 calories less, and I struggle to even get that many. I’m surprised how easy it is to cut calories. I’m also trying to measure fat content, nutritional value of foods, and making sure I’m getting enough vitamins and minerals. All of it can be difficult to figure out. I guess that is another reason why it is just so much easier to grab junk. It’s convenient. It’s easy to make (no fuss, no muss) and it does, often, taste good.

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One of the most difficult parts of dieting is keeping the faith. I know I didn’t have a chance to post anything yesterday, but I can let you know I stuck with my diet. I kept the faith, and I didn’t eat anything too fattening.

For breakfast, I decided to eat less of my cereal than I did the previous day. In total, I had about 360 calories with milk. From there, I ate a low fat, BBQ chicken wrap with a pickle and cheese stick for a total of around 450 calories and then I had another two cheese sticks for snacks, so add on 50 and a lean cuisine for dinner for another 400 calories. All in all, I ate around 1260 calories.

Today, I woke up too late to enjoy breakfast. I ended up having a low fat wrap, Reuben style. This was a little more fattening than the BBQ chicken (which was grilled), coming in at around 480 calories. I had a pickle for another 25 calories and then I had one of those delicious ranch lean cuisine flatbreads I love. That’s 360 calories. I was at risk of not having enough calories for my body to sustain a healthy existence. So I decided to have some popcorn for a snack with a cheese stick and a glass of apple juice. That bumped me up over 1200 calories for today. I kept the faith and stuck with it.

Keeping the faith has nothing to do with religion, if you don’t want it to. Sure, you can pray to whatever you believe in, and ask for guidance, but the kind of faith I’m talking about is in yourself. You have to believe you can lose weight and stick with it no matter what. I’m beginning to see that the reason I may not have been successful with past diets is because I didn’t necessarily have the faith in myself or the motivation to stick with it. Now, I’m in a mindset where I don’t just want to lose weight. I have to, and slowly, but surely, I’m beginning to see/feel results.

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I’ve been overweight since I was in Jr. High. I never used to be overweight. I was tiny, short, and everyone thought I was adorable. Once I became a teenager, I began to gain weight. Part of it was a medication I was on for asthma, which ballooned me up rather quickly and part of it was my sedentary lifestyle. I didn’t exactly eat poorly, but I didn’t have a good diet, that’s for sure. Being in a scooter, then a wheelchair didn’t help. I couldn’t exactly go out and run a mile. Any exercise was difficult and the more I gained, the harder it became to move.

That brings me to now, nearly 15 years later. Would I say I’m fat? Yes. I have realized admitting it is the first step. It isn’t going to be easy to lose weight because I don’t have the ability to work out in the same way as someone without a muscle disease can. That being said, I’ve created this series, which I’m calling “The Diary of a Fat Man in a Wheelchair”.

I realized I wanted to lose weight a few years ago, but I never seem to be able to stick to any diets. In this series, I’m going to document everything I eat, when I eat it, how much I eat, and if I cheat. Right now, I’ve come to a point in my life where I need to lose weight. Heart problems and high blood pressure run in my family, not to mention diabetes and stroke. I don’t need any other health problems besides the muscle disease and the asthma. So, this is my journey towards shedding the pounds.

I’ve been on a new diet, for the past few weeks. It’s been a little rough, but overall it’s just having the willpower to avoid temptation. Mainly, I’m counting calories. I’m trying to maintain a 1400-1600 calorie diet. I can’t handle 2000. I have a sedentary lifestyle due to my disability. I have to go for less than average to lose. So far, these are the changes I’ve made.

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I have wondered when or if there is a time when it is too soon to introduce homosexuality and/or transgenderism to a child. It is likely that in most school districts, there are children who are suffering in silence because their parents are gay, lesbian, or transgendered and they are afraid they will be picked on if other children find out. The reason why we even question when the time is right to talk to children about these topics is because there is still a stigma attached.

In my way of thinking, it isn’t a choice. Nobody chooses to be hated and treated like crap and I can’t think of one person in the GLBT community that has not been hated, made fun of, or treated poorly because of who they are. Honestly. Who chooses to live a hated existence? This is just part of why I believe there is no way it can be a choice. With millions of GLBT Americans out there, it’s hard to believe everyone chooses to deviate from what is considered normal. Sorry, but there just isn’t enough incentive, to choose to be gay or transgendered. It’s not a choice.

You can argue with me until the cows come home on this topic, but this doesn’t really change the fact that there are thousands of children living in GLBT households and it is only through compassion and understanding that these children are going to be accepted. I guess if you have to blame anyone, blame the parents, but don’t make the children suffer because you don’t agree with their parents. Going further, this means that children do need to learn about other cultures. Yes, children of GLBT parents live in a different cultural environment. Just like teaching children about the customs and cultures of other nations, it is imperative to be inclusive so children of GLBT parents have a place in both school and other social environments.

This brings me back to my original question. Is there a time when a child is too young to understand homosexuality or transgenderism? Children are incredibly resilient. They understand more than you can imagine and their level of compassion and understanding puts most adults to shame. I know that my son was eight when he learned that Daddy was transgendered. He didn’t fully understand what transgendered meant, but he knew that I was born like most girls were born, but I always felt different and that I always felt like a boy.

He also understood I was and had taken steps to become a boy. He was, perhaps, the most understanding of all I told. When anyone slipped and referred to me by a female name or feminine pronouns, surprisingly, he was the first to correct them. He accepted it wholeheartedly and comprehended it to the point where introducing me as his father (I have been with his mother since he was 7) was nothing he was ever ashamed of doing. Some children of GLBT parents aren’t so lucky, as they live in less accepting towns and environments.

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It is my belief that no group or individual benefits from segregation in any way, shape, or form. When I moved to Michigan, I was enlightened by my girlfriend with the practices of the school system she went to for K-12. Being from Ohio, I was mainstreamed into your average, every day high school. Granted, my high school experience was less than stellar, but I have come to realize that this really depends on how much the school is willing to do to assist its students with disabilities.

School systems get money from the government for every disabled student in their system. This means that every year, my school received money from the government to provide services that I needed such as a P.A. (personal assistant). A P.A. is used to assist with getting books from a locker or book bag, helping the student get their lunch, getting out all necessary supplies so the student is ready for class, and for some disabled people this may include having someone to write work while the student dictates what needs to be written.

My school was cheap and/or greedy. They took the money and left me to my own devices. I have friends throughout Ohio who did benefit from a caring school system that saw their needs were met and had a P.A. or whatever other services they might need. Regardless, being mainstreamed did help me in some way. I knew what it was like to interact with people not in wheelchairs. I dealt with discrimination and misunderstanding early on, and I learned to fight for my needs and rights as a human being because nothing was ever handed to me on a silver platter or given to me to pacify me.

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