Most people may not realize how rude they appear to those of us in wheelchairs. I was reminded just how rude people can be when I went to a local church festival in the town where I live. Other than my girlfriend, son and mother-in-law who came with me, I didn’t know a single soul at the festival. Still, I couldn’t help but notice how much these people like to stare!

In just one day, I had various individuals from one church festival commit all the major no-nos an able-bodied person can commit. Granted, these grievous acts weren’t all committed by the same person, but the fact that they were committed at all is just damn annoying. It’s a symbol to how little progress has been made in allowing the able-bodied community to understand those of us with disabilities.

I don’t look weird. I’m a chubby guy, with dark hair. I have decent control of my arms…Well, enough to drive my wheelchair around. I don’t appear to be falling out of my wheelchair or any of that fun stuff. I’m just your average guy who happens to sit all the time instead of standing. So, why is it that people not only have to give me “looks” or stare downs, but they have to give me dirty looks?

I can understand when little kids stare at me. I’m used to it and actually, I encourage it. This shows interest in my wheelchair and learning about it. Unfortunately, parents often say things in shushed whispers like “don’t stare at that handicapped person” (did I mention I hate the word handicapped?! – it’s way too outdated) or they yank them away from me like I’m a diseased parasite about to spread my infectious wheelchair-itis onto their precious little one.

This is the perfect opportunity for a lesson in compassion and understanding. If you have a child who is staring at someone in a wheelchair, ask the person in the wheelchair (politely) if your child can ask a question or two. More often than not, the person will say yes. Occasionally, you’ll get someone who is either in a hurry (hey, we have lives, too!) or who is just a jerk. Don’t chalk it up to the behavior of all of us. If I have the time, I’d gladly answer questions from an inquisitive kid instead of letting their parents assume why I’m in a wheelchair or letting a parent give them the wrong information about people in wheelchairs.

For those who wish to tell their children about people in wheelchairs themselves or for those who aren’t kids, but still like to stare, here is a guide of dos and don’ts in relation to how those of us in wheelchairs like to be treated.

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I just had to write a piece on this disgusting phenomenon that I know has been going on for a while, but I just haven’t had the chance to write on it, until now. This is something that hits pretty close to home. I was born with a muscle disease. It’s called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. It’s similar to Muscular Dystrophy and is covered under the 40+ neuromuscular diseases in the MD family. It’s really too complex to explain. All anyone really needs to know is that it’s like MD, but isn’t technically MD. This usually just means I tell people I have Muscular Dystrophy. It’s much easier that way.

That being said, I should tell you I’m wheelchair bound. I have been since I was 16. Before then, I used a scooter to get around and walked with a limp. I should also add this is going to be a discussion of something that is quite graphic and mature in nature. I’m warning anyone under 18 to stop reading and turn away now. You have plenty of time to worry about subjects like this after you become an adult.

I don’t know if I like calling this a phenomenon because there is nothing phenomenal about it, but for lack of a better word I’ve called it that. Ultimately, it’s a craze that only certain people seem to be going through and it’s becoming a big thing on the internet, with support sites for these psycho-sickos popping up around the net. A doctor called the three groups Devotees, Pretenders and Wannabes. There’s a whole group of these lunatics and I don’t know which group of the three is the most disgusting. All of them are suffering from severe paraphelias. Of course, no excuses should be made. Pedophilia is a severe form of paraphelia and it’s downright disturbing. Likewise, the DPW movement is equally as disgusting.

Next to children, who is one of society’s most vulnerable groups? It is a pretty good and accurate guess to say those with disabilities. Being a person with a disability, I’d have to say, in many instances, this is sadly the truth. A lot of this is because folks with disabilities have few governmental protections and not as many opportunities to flourish. Sure, many of us are smart enough to overcome our disabilities when given the right resources, but those aren’t always out there, so in many instances, we are left vulnerable.

Like children, who must fear pedophiles, those of us with disabilities must fear DPWs. They are predators who get sexual satisfaction and pleasure from being deranged assholes. I don’t know any other, nicer way to put it. You could argue, oh these people are sick. Yeah, Ted Bundy was sick, too. Sick in the head, but we still wanted him to go to prison and die. Still, there is no punishment for DPWs because by governmental laws, they aren’t doing anything wrong.

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One of the biggest motivators that leads me down the path of unwanted temptation is stress. Stress makes a lot of people eat. That’s because food tastes good (depending on what you eat) and people feel good when they are enjoying a delicious meal. I admit it. I used to eat when I felt stressed. That’s probably part of my problem. It’s normal, to eat when stressed. I think that, like craving sleep, it’s a natural reaction by your body. Food is familiar so your body craves that familiarity as much as it craves the taste.

I’ve been under a remarkable amount of stress lately. You can read all about it here or here or here if you’re so inclined. Why I’m stressed really doesn’t matter as much as whether I decided to cheat on my diet or not. I know I haven’t been keeping as up to date on what I’ve been eating, but I’m going to vow to try to do better. I’ve received some good feedback about this article series. I’d love for all of you to share your thoughts on my journey and your own personal weight loss journeys with me (and everyone else who reads this) in the comment section. It can be beneficial to lose weight together and I’d love to make some friends who have the same goals I do.

That being said, I am proud to report, I have not cheated. Yesterday, I ate a lean pocket for one meal. I’ve been especially enjoying the chicken quesadilla and chicken Parmesan varieties. I also like the flat bread chicken wraps, a lot by lean cuisine. I could live on that. I’ve also been eating progresso soup. Ash also bought me a can of Campbell’s low calorie gumbo. It was actually pretty good, as I had it two days ago. For my other meal, I had porterhouse steak.

I know that this probably isn’t the healthiest form of meat, but next to a small salad, I hadn’t had many calories for the day. With just the meat and salad, and no side dish of potatoes (like I used to eat), I was getting some much needed protein and I was enjoying my most favorite food on the planet.

All in all, with a 90 calorie snack pack of peanut butter Quaker oats mini delights, some of Ash’s low calorie, homemade steak sauce with my steak, and a 100 calorie pack, I came in at around 1280-1300 calories. (Note: I also am only drinking water unless otherwise noted) I’m finding it almost difficult to hit 1200 calories, especially when I haven’t been waking up early enough to enjoy breakfast. I know I need to make sure I have three meals a day, and I promise to try to do better in that area. Of course, I worry about eating less than 1200 calories a day.

I know the average person eats a 2000 calorie diet. Here I am eating 800 calories less, and I struggle to even get that many. I’m surprised how easy it is to cut calories. I’m also trying to measure fat content, nutritional value of foods, and making sure I’m getting enough vitamins and minerals. All of it can be difficult to figure out. I guess that is another reason why it is just so much easier to grab junk. It’s convenient. It’s easy to make (no fuss, no muss) and it does, often, taste good.

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Dominick Evans isn’t just one of the writers and head editor for Literary Illusions. He’s also my best friend. It’s difficult to think your best friend may lose their only means of transportation, via wheelchair, but that is a likely fear I face as I wait for Dominick to go through his third appeal to keep his wheelchair.

Dominick is 27 years old. He’s been unable to walk since he was 16 years old. He could stand, briefly, by clinging to the edge of his bed, to hold himself up, until he fell on his leg during a transfer, back in 2002. He ended up fracturing his tibia and the ability to stand at all was lost. This is important to know because his insurance is saying that he can stand up and walk from his bed to his wheelchair so they don’t wish to pay for the new chair he has received.

The chair features tilt and a special cushion because he is high risk for pressure sores and he cannot weight shift. Considering he has a progressive (as in, it gets worse not better) muscle disease, Spinal Muscular Atrophy (covered under Muscular Dystrophy) and the fact that his insurance saw just cause to buy him a chair with tilt and a special cushion back in 2002, it seems logical to amass that he still needs those things on his chair. However, since according to insurance, he’s miraculously able to walk/stand, they refuse to pay for his new wheelchair, even though its clear he needs it.

Dominick suffered with a broken down wheelchair practically from the moment he received his old chair in 2002. He had to get a lawyer just to make the company (where he got the chair from) fix it. It was literally two days old and falling apart. They never fixed the chair properly, so he had to suffer in a substandard chair that continuously broke down and was too big for his 5′3 frame. This led to many health problems for Dominick and he ended up spending more time in bed then out in his wheelchair.

A new chair, which can be purchased every five years, was a new beginning for Dom. He is able to get out and about more. He’s able to stay up in his chair longer. His atrophying muscles aren’t as stiff. He’s doing much better physically, emotionally, and mentally considering what a toll having such a bad chair can put on a person. I’ve sat by and watched it all. We’ve been together since 2002, so I’ve been through all of it with him and now I can no longer sit by without helping him in some way.

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One of the most difficult parts of dieting is keeping the faith. I know I didn’t have a chance to post anything yesterday, but I can let you know I stuck with my diet. I kept the faith, and I didn’t eat anything too fattening.

For breakfast, I decided to eat less of my cereal than I did the previous day. In total, I had about 360 calories with milk. From there, I ate a low fat, BBQ chicken wrap with a pickle and cheese stick for a total of around 450 calories and then I had another two cheese sticks for snacks, so add on 50 and a lean cuisine for dinner for another 400 calories. All in all, I ate around 1260 calories.

Today, I woke up too late to enjoy breakfast. I ended up having a low fat wrap, Reuben style. This was a little more fattening than the BBQ chicken (which was grilled), coming in at around 480 calories. I had a pickle for another 25 calories and then I had one of those delicious ranch lean cuisine flatbreads I love. That’s 360 calories. I was at risk of not having enough calories for my body to sustain a healthy existence. So I decided to have some popcorn for a snack with a cheese stick and a glass of apple juice. That bumped me up over 1200 calories for today. I kept the faith and stuck with it.

Keeping the faith has nothing to do with religion, if you don’t want it to. Sure, you can pray to whatever you believe in, and ask for guidance, but the kind of faith I’m talking about is in yourself. You have to believe you can lose weight and stick with it no matter what. I’m beginning to see that the reason I may not have been successful with past diets is because I didn’t necessarily have the faith in myself or the motivation to stick with it. Now, I’m in a mindset where I don’t just want to lose weight. I have to, and slowly, but surely, I’m beginning to see/feel results.

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I’ve been overweight since I was in Jr. High. I never used to be overweight. I was tiny, short, and everyone thought I was adorable. Once I became a teenager, I began to gain weight. Part of it was a medication I was on for asthma, which ballooned me up rather quickly and part of it was my sedentary lifestyle. I didn’t exactly eat poorly, but I didn’t have a good diet, that’s for sure. Being in a scooter, then a wheelchair didn’t help. I couldn’t exactly go out and run a mile. Any exercise was difficult and the more I gained, the harder it became to move.

That brings me to now, nearly 15 years later. Would I say I’m fat? Yes. I have realized admitting it is the first step. It isn’t going to be easy to lose weight because I don’t have the ability to work out in the same way as someone without a muscle disease can. That being said, I’ve created this series, which I’m calling “The Diary of a Fat Man in a Wheelchair”.

I realized I wanted to lose weight a few years ago, but I never seem to be able to stick to any diets. In this series, I’m going to document everything I eat, when I eat it, how much I eat, and if I cheat. Right now, I’ve come to a point in my life where I need to lose weight. Heart problems and high blood pressure run in my family, not to mention diabetes and stroke. I don’t need any other health problems besides the muscle disease and the asthma. So, this is my journey towards shedding the pounds.

I’ve been on a new diet, for the past few weeks. It’s been a little rough, but overall it’s just having the willpower to avoid temptation. Mainly, I’m counting calories. I’m trying to maintain a 1400-1600 calorie diet. I can’t handle 2000. I have a sedentary lifestyle due to my disability. I have to go for less than average to lose. So far, these are the changes I’ve made.

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I admit that I never watch Big Brother. I tried a few seasons ago, thinking that we could add recaps to the site, but the show seems utterly mindless and I just couldn’t bring myself to watch a bunch of shallow contests fighting over money no matter how much dignity was at cost. That was about the beginning and end of my thoughts. At least until today when things changed completely.

A new season of Big Brother has people working in teams. That is about all I know of the show this season. However, after a recent show, I am left not only furious, but disgusted. At present, I do not know who bothers me more CBS, the company that made headlines for not censoring a nipple (that you couldn’t see, by the way) or Big Brother and the editor of the mindless drivel that decided to let these comments on the air.

The comments I am referring to were made by a contestant named Adam. Adam claims that he works for an autism foundation. However, the Big Brother website lists Adam as:

Single and a Public Relations Manager from Delray Beach, FL via Cherry Hill, NJ

The bio for Adam mentions that he has a master’s degree in fashion design/marketing. He apparently studied at Camden County College, Parsons School of Design in New York, and Fashion Art Italy in Italy. According to the bio, works at a PR manager where he handles publicity, as well as sponsorship and creative director responsibilities for a foundation. However, it does not say what kind. He also likes aggressive women.

Personally, I didn’t get the liking women vibe at all from his picture, but I could be looking for a fault other than his sad hair cut. This leads me into the vexing remarks that he made recently on the show. The contestants were discussing what they would do with their winnings. Adam mentioned that he would buy a salon for people with developmental disabilities. He went on to say the following to justify his reasons:

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It is my belief that no group or individual benefits from segregation in any way, shape, or form. When I moved to Michigan, I was enlightened by my girlfriend with the practices of the school system she went to for K-12. Being from Ohio, I was mainstreamed into your average, every day high school. Granted, my high school experience was less than stellar, but I have come to realize that this really depends on how much the school is willing to do to assist its students with disabilities.

School systems get money from the government for every disabled student in their system. This means that every year, my school received money from the government to provide services that I needed such as a P.A. (personal assistant). A P.A. is used to assist with getting books from a locker or book bag, helping the student get their lunch, getting out all necessary supplies so the student is ready for class, and for some disabled people this may include having someone to write work while the student dictates what needs to be written.

My school was cheap and/or greedy. They took the money and left me to my own devices. I have friends throughout Ohio who did benefit from a caring school system that saw their needs were met and had a P.A. or whatever other services they might need. Regardless, being mainstreamed did help me in some way. I knew what it was like to interact with people not in wheelchairs. I dealt with discrimination and misunderstanding early on, and I learned to fight for my needs and rights as a human being because nothing was ever handed to me on a silver platter or given to me to pacify me.

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