Most people may not realize how rude they appear to those of us in wheelchairs. I was reminded just how rude people can be when I went to a local church festival in the town where I live. Other than my girlfriend, son and mother-in-law who came with me, I didn’t know a single soul at the festival. Still, I couldn’t help but notice how much these people like to stare!

In just one day, I had various individuals from one church festival commit all the major no-nos an able-bodied person can commit. Granted, these grievous acts weren’t all committed by the same person, but the fact that they were committed at all is just damn annoying. It’s a symbol to how little progress has been made in allowing the able-bodied community to understand those of us with disabilities.

I don’t look weird. I’m a chubby guy, with dark hair. I have decent control of my arms…Well, enough to drive my wheelchair around. I don’t appear to be falling out of my wheelchair or any of that fun stuff. I’m just your average guy who happens to sit all the time instead of standing. So, why is it that people not only have to give me “looks” or stare downs, but they have to give me dirty looks?

I can understand when little kids stare at me. I’m used to it and actually, I encourage it. This shows interest in my wheelchair and learning about it. Unfortunately, parents often say things in shushed whispers like “don’t stare at that handicapped person” (did I mention I hate the word handicapped?! – it’s way too outdated) or they yank them away from me like I’m a diseased parasite about to spread my infectious wheelchair-itis onto their precious little one.

This is the perfect opportunity for a lesson in compassion and understanding. If you have a child who is staring at someone in a wheelchair, ask the person in the wheelchair (politely) if your child can ask a question or two. More often than not, the person will say yes. Occasionally, you’ll get someone who is either in a hurry (hey, we have lives, too!) or who is just a jerk. Don’t chalk it up to the behavior of all of us. If I have the time, I’d gladly answer questions from an inquisitive kid instead of letting their parents assume why I’m in a wheelchair or letting a parent give them the wrong information about people in wheelchairs.

For those who wish to tell their children about people in wheelchairs themselves or for those who aren’t kids, but still like to stare, here is a guide of dos and don’ts in relation to how those of us in wheelchairs like to be treated.

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I think the title here says it all. So rather than drudge on with specifics, let’s hop right into the list, shall we?

1. First it’s the gays then it will be the horses, dogs, and farm animals - Naturally, everyone knows that if we let a gay man marry a man or a lesbian couple get married it will lead to animal lovers marrying chickens, dogs, and who knows what else. Therefore, by not allowing gay marriage we are doing our world duty to stop bestiality.

2. Incest will become common place – While bestiality would certainly be bad enough, it is necessary to never allow gay marriage because of the possibility that siblings and relatives will take it as their opportunity to get their equal rights. Gone will be the days of sharing family bathing time. Instead they will want equal rights to share their love in public, too, and it will be our fault because it all started with the gays.

3. Marriage is a sacred right between a man and woman – Everyone knows that in the U.S. marriage has always been between a man and a woman. Ignore the fact that this particular brand of marriage is a Christian concept and not all people, American or otherwise, are Christian. It simply should not matter. The point is the U.S. has never allowed it (just like blacks and whites could not get married) and we should not allow it now!

4. Homosexuality is unnatural – If it doesn’t happen in nature it should not happen with humans. Gay marriage is an agenda set to ruin society as we know it. If there are not gay penguins, gay whales, gay vultures, chimps, or other animals then there cannot logically be gay men or women.

5. If gays can marry they will have kids and they will make more gay people – Naturally, gay people will make their kids gay. Gay people are really just straight because their parents were straight, but they are pretending to be gay because they must really hate their parents. However, this façade will create real gay people when they raise these kids. Unless, of course, the kids hate their parents enough to pretend to be straight…then they will have the last laugh.

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I have wondered when or if there is a time when it is too soon to introduce homosexuality and/or transgenderism to a child. It is likely that in most school districts, there are children who are suffering in silence because their parents are gay, lesbian, or transgendered and they are afraid they will be picked on if other children find out. The reason why we even question when the time is right to talk to children about these topics is because there is still a stigma attached.

In my way of thinking, it isn’t a choice. Nobody chooses to be hated and treated like crap and I can’t think of one person in the GLBT community that has not been hated, made fun of, or treated poorly because of who they are. Honestly. Who chooses to live a hated existence? This is just part of why I believe there is no way it can be a choice. With millions of GLBT Americans out there, it’s hard to believe everyone chooses to deviate from what is considered normal. Sorry, but there just isn’t enough incentive, to choose to be gay or transgendered. It’s not a choice.

You can argue with me until the cows come home on this topic, but this doesn’t really change the fact that there are thousands of children living in GLBT households and it is only through compassion and understanding that these children are going to be accepted. I guess if you have to blame anyone, blame the parents, but don’t make the children suffer because you don’t agree with their parents. Going further, this means that children do need to learn about other cultures. Yes, children of GLBT parents live in a different cultural environment. Just like teaching children about the customs and cultures of other nations, it is imperative to be inclusive so children of GLBT parents have a place in both school and other social environments.

This brings me back to my original question. Is there a time when a child is too young to understand homosexuality or transgenderism? Children are incredibly resilient. They understand more than you can imagine and their level of compassion and understanding puts most adults to shame. I know that my son was eight when he learned that Daddy was transgendered. He didn’t fully understand what transgendered meant, but he knew that I was born like most girls were born, but I always felt different and that I always felt like a boy.

He also understood I was and had taken steps to become a boy. He was, perhaps, the most understanding of all I told. When anyone slipped and referred to me by a female name or feminine pronouns, surprisingly, he was the first to correct them. He accepted it wholeheartedly and comprehended it to the point where introducing me as his father (I have been with his mother since he was 7) was nothing he was ever ashamed of doing. Some children of GLBT parents aren’t so lucky, as they live in less accepting towns and environments.

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**Contains minor spoilers for the fifth season of The L Word. Read with caution**

I don’t usually use the opinion section of anything to complain about something on a television show. Well, there’s always a first for everything. Now don’t get me wrong. I truly enjoy The L Word, which is one of Showtime’s most popular shows. The writing is excellent, the character development is stellar, and the acting is beyond what you see on most television shows. There is only one problem with this show; one nagging, persistent problem. The one representation of a transgendered individual grossly misrepresents the community.

Don’t get me wrong. I know The L Word primarily focuses on lesbian couples and relationships. Considering most transgendered FTMs (Female to Males) at some point in their life believe they are lesbians it makes sense why the show would include the story of Max (portrayed by Daniela Sea), a confused individual who declares he is transgendered after dating one of the central characters on the show.

It’s kind of like the lesbians who just happened to be a part of another, former Showtime show, Queer as Folk, which was primarily about the relationships and lives of gay males. I can get the point that the writers of The L Word are trying to make. FTMs face different challenges than lesbians do. In fact, some are even oppressed by the gay and lesbian community. However, the way the story of Max is playing out grossly misrepresents those of us who actually are transgendered. In some ways, I can see why the lesbians don’t seem to take Max seriously!

Why do I care what happens to Max? The primary reason is because as someone who is technically transgendered (as I am a transitioning FTM though I identify as male) I don’t want the general public, who have no idea what being transgendered means or even what the term is, believing that this is what being transgendered is like. I’ve heard many who don’t know anyone who is transgendered say Max does a good job of portraying a transgendered individual. I’m here to tell you this is simply not true.

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“Are you a racist?” It is a question that most of us find uncomfortable at best. And yet, there are those times in the human culture that warrant this question such as this one from Bill O’Reilly’s September 19 radio show:

“You know, I was up in Harlem a few weeks ago, and I actually had dinner with Al Sharpton, who is a very, very interesting guy. And he comes on The Factor a lot, and then I treated him to dinner, because he’s made himself available to us, and I felt that I wanted to take him up there. And we went to Sylvia’s, a very famous restaurant in Harlem. I had a great time, and all the people up there are tremendously respectful.“

“They all watch The Factor. You know, when Sharpton and I walked in, it was like a big commotion and everything, but everybody was very nice. And I couldn’t get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia’s restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it’s run by Blacks, primarily Black patronship. It was the same, and that’s really what this society’s all about now here in the U.S.A. There’s no difference.”

“There’s no difference. There may be a cultural entertainment — people may gravitate toward different cultural entertainment, but you go down to Little Italy, and you’re gonna have that. It has nothing to do with the color of anybody’s skin.”

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Written by Michael LaPenna - Visit Website
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Michael LaPenna is a 20-something freelance writer from the Hudson Valley area of New York with a B.A. in Media Management via the State University of New York at New Paltz. Mike's hobbies include poetry, film/screenwriting travel, culture, (watching) pro wrestling, emceeing, philosophy, political banter, art shows, exercise and dancing like a madman! Mike is the head of La Penna Prolifica Writing and Editing Services. My words are my bond! Email him for more info on contracting and subcontracting at mike.lapenna@gmail.com